Tag: highway

We’ll be driving with the windows up for a while

Over 20 million bees pulled a Con Air in Utah, overturning a truck that was transporting them to a maximum security almond farm in Bakersfield, California.

The bees have mostly been returned into custody, but the driver and two police officers were stung during the attempted hijacking/breakout.  Some of the bees, however, remain at large and may use the U.S. highway system against us to quickly take over every Waffle House dumpster in America.

Thanks a lot, Eisenhower.

We can see your panties

3,000 pairs of women’s underpants have been recovered from four spots along the highway in Ohio, at least one pile of 1,600 in Fairfield County alone.  Police report that the panties are loose and are both new and used. They also appear to be of the “local discount and grocery stores” variety, not the racy stuff your mom buys.

Other than those details, authorities are stumped. The Guys have put together a couple of theories:

  1. Aliens! You’ve heard of Stonehenge. This is Mingehenge. And if any of the underpants were made of corduroy, then this could have been the beginning of the NASCAR Lines.
  2. Artists! Mountains of unglamorous dollar store granny-panties discarded along the highways and biways of middle America — the interpretations are limitless.
  3. Animals! Prairie critters are attempting to infiltrate the Heartland, one leg at a time — just like the rest of us.
  4. The Japanese! The used ones fit their M.O. Not sure where the new ones come in, though. Perhaps we interrupted them before they could finish?

We will dispatch our own Bryan McBournie to Ohio this weekend to investigate.

Swimming with the bulls

Should we start a Copy of the Day award? Because we have a humdinger of a winner:

“A spill of frozen bull semen bound for a breeder in the state of Texas triggered a scare on Tuesday that temporarily shut down a U.S. interstate highway during the morning rush hour.

“The incident began when the driver of a Greyhound bus carrying the freight alerted the fire department he had lost a part of his load while negotiating the ramp on a highway near Nashville.”

But, wait! There’s a Quote of the Day, too:

“‘It was no different to us than if a mattress fell off a truck,’ said transportation spokeswoman B.J. Doughty.”

If you think this story is bulls#&t, you’d be wrong.

The people want their money back

A German man, like so many of us, was driving on the highway (or “motorway” as they say in Europe because they don’t know the real term for it) when he needed to stop at a restroom.

Just like we all do, he pulled into a rest area and went inside to do his business. As everyone else does, he brought a plastic bag holding 10,000 euros. And as will happen from time to time, he forgot the bag in the restroom and drove off, not realizing he was missing it until some 30 minutes later.

And not surprisingly, the bag was gone when he returned.