Sacre Bleu! Not ze hobos!

A new Internet game is taking France by storm, but upsetting everybody else. Zut alor! Clodogame (which translates as Trampgame) is a hobo simulator in which players start off as a penniless street bum and must work their way up the food chain to become “king of the streets” and “the most talented tramp in Paris.”

Trampgame invites virtual vagrants to attack other homeless folk, become a “peerless pickpocket,” steal coins from candy machines, public toilets and laundrettes, play instruments and choose pets in order to increase their success as beggars, and take control of their alcohol intake. It’s unfortunate that there is no English version, as it does sound as if hobocide can be committed in the game. Score!

Of course, because some people take the Internet too seriously (despite the Internet being serious business), charity organization the Red Cross is among those who have stepped in to criticize Trampgame:

“It’s a disgrace, it’s degrading, it’s humiliating to make the homeless the butt of derision. The image portrayed is exactly the one against which we’ve been trying to fight.”

Why are they so concerned? It’s not like homeless people have a computer to play it on.

They’re all just the right size now

While it can be debated for years on end why our country went to war, just keep in mind-at least we’re not arguing about food. Specifically, the shape of food.

Yes, in ol’ Blighty, the government has spent its time arguing about the shape of food. Not the condition of the food. Not the amount of food. Not even the color of food. No, for year, people have gotten out of shape (*rimshot*) over whether a banana was too bendy. Yes, you read that right. Too bendy.

Well, remorse no more, losers of the colonies! Yes, food that you would expect to be grown in either Chernobyl or on the moon (by Mooninites, mind you) can now find its way back into the markets run by Oliver Twist-esque street youths. Huzzah!

Sadly, there are two items that are still not on the list of foods: minstrels and hobos. Well, we’ll give them time…

Hobos score with Scores

Scores is a landmark institution in the New York strip club universe, but both locations are in danger of being shut down permanently because of all the, you know … crime and stuff. Apparently prostitution is frowned on by the law in Manhattan. Who knew? Well, other than the owners of Scores not.

Sadly, what was once a trademark stop for single, heterosexual men has now reluctantly become a lot for hobos to rest their eyes, if for just a bit, as it looks like their liquor license will not be renewed. That’s as good a sign as any for me to avoid the place. How will city hedge fund managers blow their expense accounts on overpriced champagne now?