Tag: holocaust

No pope for atheists!

If you thought the Pope was like the Dalai Lama where he loves everyone, think again! The Pope loves only two kinds of people: Catholics and Catholics that can keep a secret.

During his visit to the United Kingdom, Pope Benedict XVI gave a speech at Holyroodhouse, Edinburgh in which he warned the Queen about how “atheist extremism” leads to “a reductive vision of a person and his destiny” and, ultimately, Nazis.

Yes, the Pope Godwin’d his argument against atheism.

Atheists, of course, are outraged that the perceived voice of a God that does not exist would say such things about them. Oh well.

What Would You Do?

Also, 'butterscotch.'Let’s say you’re the questionably-reelected leader of a country that wants to develop nuclear technology.

Now let’s say the rest of the world is against that idea because you’re in missile range of a country that you and your government wish didn’t exist anymore.

Would you:

A. Show these world leaders plans for a nuclear-powered multicultural center, where children can learn peace and understanding about their neighbors, even though the Jews’ skin isn’t green like theirs?

B. At least pretend to believe that the Holocaust happened until you get the materials necessary to provide cheap energy for your country.

C. Deny the Holocaust, boasting that “the anger of professional killers is (a source of) pride for us” and add that this means Israel shouldn’t exist in the first place.

If you answered C, then you too could be the leader of nuke-free Iran!

The McBournie Minute: I’m moving to a new country

If I told a joke about someone a different race, religion, gender, etc. as me here, I might get some negative feedback. If I told a joke like that at work, it would be most likely a poor career move.

I’m not really one for that brand of humor anyway. Too much of it is misplaced. Humor is in misdirection and suprise, not in playing up stereotypes with bad impressions. (Hear that, Mencia?) So normally, I don’t think about this sort of thing, but last night, I had to.

I was out on the town, at an Irish Pub near me, watching Seamus Kennedy, an Irish folk singer (from Ireland, so you know he’s good) perform. It was there that I figured it out: foreigners can get away with way, way more than we Americans ever could. I’m not talking about the perceived white-people-can’t-make-jokes-anymore factor, just if you have an accent, you can say anything you want. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: I’m moving to a new country

The audacity of Pope

Is it just us, or does the Pope cover some dated issues?

What did he talk about in the Middle East today? The Holocaust and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Other times? Birth control, abortion and masturbation. Oh, and don’t get us started on the old man’s stories about Jesus. (How many times can you hear about the same three miracles, anyway?)

Weren’t these topics already settled in 1970s and 1980s ABC After-School Specials, and more grippingly than an old German guy speaking Latin?

We want some new insights, Your Holiness. What do you think about Twitter? Or universal health care? How bad did you think Wolverine was? Get some new material, old man.

Ending atrocities: a good idea … in theory

Speaking today at the U.S. Capitol to celebrate observe Holocaust Remembrance Day, President Barack Obama said that “it is the duty of the living all over the world to make certain there will be no more atrocities.”

That’s all well and good, but did you ever notice how the atrocity word gets thrown around? African genocide, skiing accidents, muumuus at the Oscar, Gossip Girl being renewed for yet another season: all are considered by many to be atrocities, some universally so.

So, what is the cut-off for acceptable attrocities? Will the ATF enforce poor drunken karaoke choices? Is it the duty of Americans to bum rush Britney Spears whenever she attempts a comeback? Who will keep Wolverine out of the theaters?

It’s a nice thought, but only so practical.

UPDATE: Holocaust denier denied for denying to undeny

Bishop Richard Williamson, who was the topic of a Take it from Snee on February 11, was denied getting his parish back by the Pope. This announcement from the Vatican comes after a half-hearted online apology by Williamson, saying he was sorry his comments, which denied the scale of the Holocaust, caused “distress.”

So, while now-normal-person Williamson has a shot at heaven again (with really long odds), he has lost his job because he was unable to reconcile half of the History Channel’s stock footage with some crackpot theory he heard in the 1980s.

And, really, in this economy? That’s punishment.

Let this be a lesson to us all: sometimes, you’re an idiot and better off admitting it.

Take it from Snee: Denying denials of Holocaust-deniers

Man, World War II. It seems like it ended just yesterday, you know? Between every movie using the Nazis as villains to every moral argument reducing to the Nazis, it’s almost like we’re still fighting them today.

Of course, there aren’t any real Nazis anymore. Sure, there are skinheads and neo-Nazis, but these are not your great-grandfather’s Wehrmacht.

No, there’s only one type of actual Nazi left: the one trapped in our brains that we just won’t let die.

Americans were one of the last countries to enter World War II, so maybe we just didn’t get our fill of killing them. Or perhaps the post-war Holocaust footage was so horrible that we feel like we didn’t kill them enough. Either way, without any actual Nazis left, we continue to fight the idea of the Nazi and anyone who considers them almost human is now a Nazi by proxy. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Denying denials of Holocaust-deniers

How To: Joke about the new president

Comedians are worried about their trade now that George Bush’s presidency is almost over. It’s been an easy eight years, minus that brief period in late 2001-2002 when we depended on him as an illiterate father-figure.

In fact, things have been so bad for Bush and the gang that Republicans are complaining that we made too much fun of him, ruining their dreams of pop-up history books.

But enough about those oversensitive, feelings-oriented, fairness-mongering crybabies. We’ve got a real issue on our hands: how do we make fun of the guy who’s supposed to save America, especially one who’s … um, diverse?

Did any of you voters think about us? Humorists have husbands, wives and children to publicly belittle; we can’t pay for that unless we do political jokes, too. This is why The Guys held an emergency post-election meeting to determine how to joke about the new president. Continue reading How To: Joke about the new president