Saving the poor from (further) bad decisions

Sometimes it’s tough to ignore homeless people. It’s a burden to pretend they don’t exist, imagining the situation that could put us in their position, and they aren’t helping with gaudy, out-of-season clothes. Penniless and attention-whoring is no way to go through life, son.

If you’re looking for a solution to the homeless problem described above, then New York would be the best place to start. Proving that miracles still happen on 34th Street, clothing store H&M refuses to donate unsold clothing and even cuts or hole-punches them before throwing the items away.

Bravo, H&M! It’s bad enough that poor people ride our buses and breathe our air, but the last thing we need is for them to offend our sense of style. If they want to wear designer clothes, then maybe they should get a job and buy the latest items that consumers actually want, hm?

And, of course, they’ll be able to throw those clothes away after a year of use.

Bonus Quote: “H & M, which is based in Sweden, has an executive in charge of corporate responsibility who leads the company’s sustainability efforts. On its Web site, H&M reports that to save paper, it has shrunk its shipping labels.”

You can’t fake that kind of philanthropy, people.

(Courtesy of Chris S.)

Sacre Bleu! Not ze hobos!

A new Internet game is taking France by storm, but upsetting everybody else. Zut alor! Clodogame (which translates as Trampgame) is a hobo simulator in which players start off as a penniless street bum and must work their way up the food chain to become “king of the streets” and “the most talented tramp in Paris.”

Trampgame invites virtual vagrants to attack other homeless folk, become a “peerless pickpocket,” steal coins from candy machines, public toilets and laundrettes, play instruments and choose pets in order to increase their success as beggars, and take control of their alcohol intake. It’s unfortunate that there is no English version, as it does sound as if hobocide can be committed in the game. Score!

Of course, because some people take the Internet too seriously (despite the Internet being serious business), charity organization the Red Cross is among those who have stepped in to criticize Trampgame:

“It’s a disgrace, it’s degrading, it’s humiliating to make the homeless the butt of derision. The image portrayed is exactly the one against which we’ve been trying to fight.”

Why are they so concerned? It’s not like homeless people have a computer to play it on.

‘Would you like to pet my elephant?’

Everyone, not just Republicans, hates poor people. They’re smelly because they seldom shower. They jangle cups without so much as actually asking you if you want some change, and the seldom come up with signs that do not end in “God Bless You.”

Just imagine how it could be if homeless people were elephants. In Thailand, that’s how they roll.

Elephant begging in Thailand is a huge problem. Apparently these things are roaming around the streets of cities, finding tourists and stopping. They then make their human companion species traitors ask for money for the honor of feeding the elephant. Not only are these poor tourists forced to feed the enemy, they have to pay tribute!

Well, no more will that be the case in the country. The government has decided to crack down on it. Southeast Asia: once again, leading the way in the War on Animals.

In this metaphor, a subwoofer is a dog

So I says to Mable, “Mable,” I says, “He’s a bum. Pimp him.”

Admit it: you’ve seen homeless people on the streets and wondered what they’d look like with killer rims and a Blaupunkt. (They’d look like Go-Bots, the unloved vagrants in this Transformers world.)

Thanks to the father-son marketing team of Kevin and Sean Dolan, respectively, you may wonder no more.

The Dolans have installed a lift kit onto Timothy Edwards, a panhandler in Houston, Texas. After seeing him and fellow homeless people begging for donations with cardboard signs, they decided to “insult people’s sensitivity or appeal to their humor” [their words] with PimpThisBum.com. They pay Edwards $100 a day to use signs with the URL, and when people log in to the site, they can donate money, gifts and services.

“Visitors seeing the sign flocked to the site and in less than two months Dolan received $50,000 in donations and pledges through the site for the man, including a five-week alcohol treatment program donated by Sunray Treatment and Recovery based near Seattle, Washington.”

We, here at SeriouslyGuys, hope this idea takes off. We’d like to see a competition grow out of this, eventually resulting in magazine covers with low-rider legless war vets.