Tag: honey

Rather smoke Reds than dead

The latest health crisis to hit our elementary schools? Flavored cigarettes.

With menthol no longer moving cartons, tobacco companies are luring in new smokers with flavors like cocoa, honey, vanilla and licorice. Doesn’t sound too bad, right?

Think again.

When you burn cocoa, it turns into bromine gas, which will kill you!*

The moral of this story is simple, parents: when you put your kids on cigarettes, for diet and/or self-esteem reasons, make sure it’s a good clean American smoke.

Stay away from the fruity flavors; they’re counterproductive, anyway, if your kid’s trying to look cool.

*Very slowly because it “dilates and anesthetizes the lungs, maximizing their absorption of smoke and nicotine.”

Bees unleash tornado technology in WoA

Which is scarier: bees or tornados?  How about both swirled into one giant vortex of honey-baked terror?

Bees attacked a Mexican restaurant in DeLand, Florida, using a formation described by witnesses as “a tornado pattern.”  As the bees expected, everyone panicked, running to their cars and presumably shrieking like wrestling Sheiks.

We thought we were winning the war on the bee front as they began disappearing from honey farms last summer.   It turns out they were in hiding, training in new and scary flight formations in secret terrorist training camps around the world.  It is also believed they have been selling their own honey to support their insidious global campaign.

If you buy honey, you’re helping the bees win.