MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Mighty Peking Man’

While Dino de Laurentiis was spending millions of Hollywood dollars on his lavish creation of King Kong, the Shaw Brothers of Hong Kong used spit, grit, baling wire and lots of stock film of terrified city dwellers pointing at the sky to bring you (cue major echo effect) The Mighty Peking Man!

Bad special effects, bad acting, bad script, cheap looking model set-ups, cheesy bloody special effects, sloppy continuity, mismatched color correction on the blue screen shots, the King Kong of Hong Kong … how could it go wrong?

Ha. Ha! HAHAHAHAHA! Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Mighty Peking Man’

Wedding rings can also be found on the dollar menu

“I’m lovin’ it” now equals “I do.”

Starting January 1 of next year, the fast food empire will begin offering wedding receptions at four of Hong Kong’s 200 McDonald’s restaurants. The parties will accommodate up to 100 guests, who will be plied with party favors and Big Macs. An apple pie wedding cake will serve as the bride and groom’s first sweet taste of happily ever after.

Don’t expect a champagne toast, however. Since McDonald’s restaurants aren’t licensed to serve alcohol, well-wishers will have to content themselves with Triple Thick shakes instead. That is not an equal trade-off at all.

If it all seems a bit, well, tacky at first, upon reflection there’s something sort of sweet about it. After all, plenty of Americans get married by Elvis impersonators in Vegas. And who’s to say a McDonald’s can’t be as romantic as a ballroom at your local swanky hotel? Well, outside of a person with an ounce of tact or class.

And at a cost of the equivalent of just a few hundred U.S. dollars, it sure beats the price tag for most conventional weddings. And who doesn’t like a nice trade-off on quality for cost?

Bank error in your favor, collect $6 million

Oh sure, maybe your life isn’t going so hot right now, financially speaking, but for a few residents of Secret Pirate Island, in today’s economy, they can’t afford to not be millionaires.

A New Zealand couple were mistakenly given 10 million dollars by their bank. Apparently, it is now on like Donkey Kong. Help from Interpol, those dastardly international do-gooders, has been requested. It’s suspected that the couple have fled to Hong Kong with the money. That’ll buy a whole lot of chicken feet.

Comparatively speaking, it might be kind of fun to live that sort of life, always being on the run, buying yachts that lead to boat chases on the high seas, probably wearing sweet t-shirt/suit combinations.

They’re after our royalty!

Looking to get away from all the swine flu stories and gross overreaction by foreign governments —

(Killing all your pigs? Really, Egypt? And you, Hong Kong, boarding up a hotel so the guests can’t get out? It’s the flu.)

— Americans have returned their focus to what they really love: European royalty.

Yes, only 233 years after we told our own reigning monarch to go … govern himself, we’re caught up in the drama of an attempted car attack on the Dutch royal family on Queen Day. The driver, Karst Tates, had lost his job as a security guard and just turned in the key to the apartment he could no afford the rent for when he decided to ram the Queen with his Suzuki.

Now, we’re not saying he was justified, but maintaining a royal family with tax dollars — even a modest one — in an economic crisis? We’re not saying Tates was right, but we understand.

MasterChugs Theater: My kung-fu is crazier than yours

Have you been to the movies lately? It’s not too bad out there. I mean, I do despise a world where Paul Blart: Mall Cop out grosses Gran Torino. But then again, that could be because Gran Torino is an absolutely wonderful movie. Paul Blart? Not so much. Nonetheless, a lot of movies these days, while dramatic, lack one fairly crucial bit of storytelling.

Crazy kung-fu-ness.

No, really. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: My kung-fu is crazier than yours

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Kung Fu Hustle’

Stephen Chow might just be the saviour of action cinema. Anyone who caught his previous film, the deliriously wonderful Shaolin Soccer, will know what to expect: martial arts mayhem meets the vicious comic brilliance of vintage Tex Avery cartoons. No gag is too cheesy, no special effect too extreme. That is the wonder and awe of Kung Fu Hustle. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Kung Fu Hustle’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky’

We continue our look at the wacky hi-jinx that is “Asian movies are fricking bonkers” with a look at a classic MCT. This is being done because you truly cannot speak about crazy Asian films without talking about one of the most infamous ones of them all. It’s inspired quite the legion of prison movies, superpowered chi movies and its fair share of weird trembling ogre movies. Oh, and it’s bloody. Oh dear lord, is this movie ever bloody. Enjoy!

In cinema history, there are some movies that make their audience treasure the life that they have, yielding smiles or tears. Some movies make us laugh. Others have been known to renew our faith in the indomitable spirit of humanity.

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky is the type of movie that makes the audience go “THAT WAS [CENSORED] INCREDIBLE!” and for good reason, too. If you’ve ever seen the old Daily Show where they show the loop of the head being smashed, you’ll know what to expect from this movie. For good martial arts, look elsewhere. For a good plot, look elsewhere. For some of the most outlandish gore around, step inside! Be prepared, as the movie being reviewed this week is not for the week of stomach.

Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky’