MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Garbage Pail Kids Movie’

A few weeks ago, fellow Guy Bryan McBournie discussed with me the revelation that The Garbage Pail Kids Movie was available for streaming on Netflix. I’ve not heard many, nay, any good things about the movie, but hey, I’ll give almost any movie a shot.

This would fall under the category of  “Bad Decisions Made By Chris.” What follows is my real-time blogging while watching the movie. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Garbage Pail Kids Movie’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Leprechaun’

For some time now, I’d been mulling over the best way to return to writing b-movie reviews. I searched long and hard for a film important enough and with such a profound influence on modern cinema that it deserved to have attention drawn to it. After days of trying to think of the perfect way to celebrate my triumphant return, I sprung from my bath just as the great scientist Archimedes did all those years ago and yelled, “Eureka! I think I have it!”.

Not only that, but I get to celebrate my Mom’s birthday (Happy Birthday, Mom!) AND Saint Patrick’s Day? Well, there’s only one way, people.

Prepare for Leprechaun. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Leprechaun’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘I Know Who Killed Me’

I Know Who Killed Me feels like a deliberate exercise in cinematic ineptitude. When movies are released theatrically, they carry with them an obligation to at least appear professional and possess some kind of virtue to entice the audience. With its amateur presentation, “I Know” is better suited as a direct-to-DVD release, or perhaps as a midnight movie on the USA Network back in the early 90’s. It shouldn’t have been made this way at all. Many times, it’s been said about some movies by other people that “pornos have better plots.” I don’t know about better plots, but in regards to this movie, perhaps higher standards.

Given Lindsay Lohan’s colorful public behavior and continuing legal difficulties, playing a stripper with a crackhead mom might not have been the best way to distract from her tabloid image. Fortunately, in the attempted psychological thriller I Know Who Killed Me, Lohan also plays a wealthy college student who writes fiction, excels at the piano and refuses to sleep with her boyfriend. That’s all right, then. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘I Know Who Killed Me’