MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Ring 2’

I remember years ago that when I first heard the term ‘sequel-itis’, I took it as a good thing. I mean, I love the Friday the 13th movies, the Evil Dead movies, where would Star Wars be without Empire, The Godfather without Godfather 2 and imagine a world without Dawn of the Dead. It’s very scary.

While watching The Ring 2 however, I realized something. Sequel-itis is a bad thing. It is a disease, a scourge, and this film suffers from it, badly. Sometimes it is better to leave a good story alone, and only make a sequel if you have another story to tell. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Ring 2’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Messengers’

It’s October, and you know what that means: it’s time to watch some horror movies. Here at MasterChugs Theater, we pride ourselves on telling you what’s good, and darling, we’ve told you a whole lot of good movies. But you know what we haven’t told you about lately? Bad horror movies.  And boy oh boy, are there are a lot of those. As such, we’ll going to change up the format and explore some of these travesties against the genre. First up: The Messengers.

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MasterChugs Theater: ‘Teeth’

While at our highly important beer conference this past weekend, conversation struck up between myself and fellow guy Rick Snee. While talking of Japanese culture (seriously? tentacles?) and other absurd oxymorons in society, we eventually made our way to the concept of genitalia. We remarked to each other about the oddness that Japan will have a woman copulate with a [editor’s note: you don’t want to know] on camera, but you better blur those naughty bits … or else.

Wait, huh? What are they, scared of the hoo-hoo?

That’s when we realized what they’re clearly scared of: the age old concept of vagina dentata. I mean, when you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Fear the va-jay-jay. If we blur and mosaic it, then we can pretend that it’s not there, and thus, can’t be bitten by the fangs of a geisha’s stink crevice.

Or maybe their culture has been aware of the movie Teeth a lot longer than anyone else has. Why don’t you hit the jump and discover the film for yourself? Warning: I will (or at least try to) say the word vagina a fair amount in this article. Because, y’know, I actually have a fairly good reason to do so. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Teeth’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Grudge’

If there’s one thing you should know in your life, it’s that The Grudge is absolutely horrible. No, I take that back-it’s atrocious. Don’t watch it. Ever. Never ever. Never ever never ever.

In the event, though, that you take my advice, you could find yourself with approximately 90 some minutes and nothing to do. Fret not-I’m here for you, gentle soul. Hit the jump and you’ll know why. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Grudge’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘House of the Dead’

Awful April begins, and boy do we have a doozy. German director Uwe Boll is one of the few to succeed in making most people cower in terror. Sadly, not because the movie we’re gonna take a look at is a scary movie per se, more that $12,000,000 was wasted on such a celluloid abomination. House of the Dead is that rare beast that goes beyond bad and then beyond “so bad it’s good” into its own little niche where even the most die-hard horror fans fear to tread.

When talking about this movie, think “so bad it’s irredeemable”.

Want to know why? Are you a hardcore masochist? Figure out for yourself the answer to both questions and just hit the jump already. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘House of the Dead’

Take it from Snee: My friends are emotionally needy

Or, 25 Things About Me

I’ve been successfully ignoring Facebook for nigh-on three months when I start getting emails about friends tagging me in notes. As an Internet celebrity, that makes me nervous: who knows what my friends are saying about me when writing 25 things about themselves?

Imagine my surprise to find they had written not a got-milked thing about me! (Are you angry? Good imagining!)

So, as a service to you readers (especially the angry ones), here are 25 things about me: Continue reading Take it from Snee: My friends are emotionally needy

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Howling’

Based on the book by Gary Brandner with a script by Terence Winkless and John Sayles, The Howling was drowned out upon its initial theatrical release by the more popular American Werewolf in London which came out the same year (both films came out about two months apart). Today, The Howling has become a cult classic and deservedly so. There’s a good reason why. Step right in and see. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Howling’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘An American Werewolf in London’

Often, there’s a fine line between horror and humor. That’s because a natural defense mechanism of the human psyche is to laugh at something that causes discomfort. Hence, while some people are shocked and horrified by a film like The Exorcist, others chortle and giggle like they’re watching an Adam Sandler comedy. On rare occasions, directors attempt to exploit this link. Most of the time, they fail miserably, and the results can be painfully unfunny and non-frightening. However, a few filmmakers defy the odds and mine the right vein of ore. The list is disappointingly short, and includes names like Sam Raimi (The Evil Dead and its two sequels) and John Landis.

Landis came to An American Werewolf in London riding the crest of a wave of popularity. His two previous movies, National Lampoon’s Animal House and The Blues Brothers, had proven to be huge box office successes. An American Werewolf in London would make it a trifecta. Afterwards, the director’s career began a slow downward slide, beginning with the on-set disaster associated with his segment of The Twilight Zone (in which actor Vic Morrow was killed). Landis rebounded briefly with Trading Places, but, by the advent of the 90s, he was mostly regarded as a has-been and proof of how easily even a proven filmmaker can fall out of favor in a fickle industry.

In terms of storyline and plot structure, there’s nothing new or surprising about An American Werewolf in London. What makes this film different (if not unique) is its successful marriage of comedy and horror. The humorous sequences are funny enough to laugh at, while the gruesome scenes retain the power to shock. From time to time, Landis strays close to the line of camp, but never quite crosses over. This is in large part due to our identification with the main character, whom we hope against hope will find some way out of an impossible predicament. Had this individual been imbued with less humanity, he would have turned into a caricature and the entire film would have devolved into the kind of grotesque farce that characterized An American Werewolf in London‘s 1997 sequel, An American Werewolf in Paris. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘An American Werewolf in London’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘The Descent’

In 2002, Neil Marshall directed a low-budget film called Dog Soldiers. The plot was simple; take a close-knit group of six men, strand them in the wilderness and expose them to hostile monsters, i.e. werewolves. The film received a healthy reception both critically and financially and gradually wound its way towards its final cult destination. It’s a great film–make sure to rent it though, as opposed to watching it on The Sci-Fi Channel. Cut to 2005, and you could be forgiven for thinking that Marshall’s third film, The Descent, in which a close group of six women are stranded in a cave and exposed to hostile under-dwellers, is an exact blueprint rip-off of his earlier film. Not so much Dog Soldiers as Lassie Spelunkers. You could be forgiven for thinking that then, but you’d also be wrong, because this film is an extremely different beast altogether. The Descent is much more streamlined. This film’s lean. It’s mean. And by god, it’s as scary as hell.

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MasterChugs Theater: ‘Hellraiser’

October is back, and that can mean only thing-let the horror movies return! As always, we’ll be covering one of my favorite movie genres of all time this month. We start up with a classic MCT, but the relevance isn’t old. Hellraiser is a classic story in horror film. Watch it and enjoy.

Frank Cotton is a jaded individual. Having perused the world over, he visits a Middle Eastern cafe to meet his contact who agrees to sell him a very particular kind of box. Returning to his family home, he sets up a makeshift camp in one upstairs room and sets about solving the riddle of the box, which eventually opens to let him experience the very limits of pain through supernatural means. Not long after, Frank’s brother Larry arrives to stay at the house with his second wife Julia, but she’s not keen until she finds evidence of Frank’s presence – she previously had an affair with him, and her marriage is leaving her feeling claustrophobic. What she doesn’t know is that Frank will soon be returning to her life in a big way…and the end results of that will be messy, to say the least.

Written by the director Clive Barker, and based on his novella, Hellraiser felt as if something fresh had arrived on the tired horror scene of the eighties with its deadly serious approach and elaborate special effects which served the story rather than the other way around. But seeing it now, it’s clear it was still part of the horror cycle it once appeared to have broken away from: its effects represent a showcase for talented makeup personnel with a flair for gore, it features a young, female heroine who could have easily walked off the set of any Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th installment, and it has a cunning villain – or in this case, set of villains – who started a franchise.

Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Hellraiser’