17 of Santa’s helpers arrested during bar crawl

It’s nearly Christmas, and everyone’s getting into the Christmas spirit. You know, peeing in public, punching the face of the cop arresting you, all the traditional holiday stuff.

The streets of Hoboken, New Jersey were a scene of festive chaos over the weekend as a bar crawl called SantaCon came to down. Revelers dressed up like Santa Claus, got drunk, and paraded through town. And like their idol, they got into criminal mischief. Local police said they arrested 17 people during SantaCon. There was public drinking, there was public urination, there were fights. A woman even punched a police officer. Ho ho ho!

Aside from the arrests, a couple dozen Santas ended up in local hospitals. Hopefully they will make it home for Christmas.

Dying for the light to change

If you’re in Florida and rushing to the hospital because you have a medical emergency, you’d better make sure you don’t run any lights.

A red light camera near a hospital in Tamarac, Florida is a cash cow, because people who urgently need care keep running the light. On top of that, the judges don’t seem to think that a medical emergency is a good enough reason.

Senior citizen-on-senior citizen crime!

Sometimes, when a story is important enough, you have to find the right source to present it in just the right way; otherwise, you might miss the essential life lesson.

Fortunately, Fox News is on the case!

The Case of Joe Perry and the Rear-ended Motorcycle seemed nigh unsolvable. Why did this happen? Who would hit a beloved American icon (in 1993)? Where did the system go wrong? Will it ever be safe to ride a two-wheeled overpowered vehicle that doctors call a “donorcycle” again?

The Fox answers: it’s the fault of a senior citizen driver.

The 59-year-old lead guitarist of your dad’s favorite band was hit on his motorcycle by a 62-year-old biddy who should have had her licensed seized at least five years ago!

Bear Whisperer discovered?

That was the potential bear whisperer's previous offense.Doctors at an undisclosed San Francisco hospital are evaluating the mental abilities of a man who survived jumping into the grizzly bear pen at the city’s Zoo.

Police described the 21-year-old man as a transient, a recluse with a record of warning people that they were getting too close, presumably by standing on his rear feet. And when he jumped into the grizzly display, the bears merely approached him and sniffed him, almost as if he were one of their own!

It’s clear what’s going on. Science may have discovered the first bear whisperer in recent history. The question is, whose side is he on?

We hope the doctors in San Francisco can find out for certain.

Baking is dangerous

Here in America, we pledge not to put body parts into our baked goods. It’s not a law specifically, it’s just more like an understanding we have with the bakers. However, that can’t be said about Spain.

That’s where a trade union is suing a bakery for throwing away something they shouldn’t have. A baker apparently lost his arm in some of the machinery (baking is a pretty machine-oriented job, apparently) and while the man himself was taken to the hospital, the bakery threw away his arm, which apparently was not the correct choice.

The arm wasn’t found until a day later, and doctors were not able to reattach it. If they could have, how great would it be to have one arm smell like freshly baked bread?