Jamie Oliver hates the environment, animals

McDonald’s (which is popular on the site today) has caved to British television chef, Jamie Oliver, in what is the latest salvo in his War to Waste Food.

The fast food giant pledged to stop using “pink slime,” a product of treating lean beef scraps with ammonia to render them safe for human consumption, in their hamburger patties. Which means that when the sign out front says “over 250 billion served,” they could mean the number of cows or acres of rainforest consumed by increased cattle-herding.

In the past, Mr. Oliver railed against the use of what is normally considered unusable scraps, including ground-up bone and marrow in chicken nuggets. This led to certain meat dispensaries, including Wendy’s, to start selling “all white meat” nuggets. Environmental scientists still haven’t gauged the groundwater damage caused by the increased demand for whole chickens, whose feces must be managed properly.

Meanwhile, in the factory district just outside town: Oscar Meyer hot dogs are still not made from 100 percent Kobe beef. This looks like a job for … some British TV star!

Kobayashi crashes contest; can’t cut competition

Now that was a tricky headline to come up with.

Takeru Kobayashi, infamous former champion of the Coney Island hot dog eating contests, crashed this year’s contest. Why “crash,” you say? Because he wasn’t even in the contest. In fact, an American won it this year. U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!

But really, that’s not important. What is important are the word nuggets found in the article:

Competitive eater Joey “Jaws” Chestnut

Major League Eating — the fast food equivalent of the NFL

Kobayashi, wearing a black T-shirt that said “Free Kobi,”

According to local lore, immigrants arguing about who was most patriotic settled their dispute by testing who could eat more franks.

“New York is a jewel built on the dream of greatness, and that same dream is driving every competitive eater.”

America-F Yeah.

Weinermobile crashes into a garage, if you know what I mean

It’s summer time, that means hot dogs are everywhere, but mostly on grills. Unfortunately, it also means that the Oscar Meyer weinermobile is on the loose again, bringing with it a herd of sexual innuendos ripe for some snarky news humor blog out there, but we’re not that blog.

The weinermobile was lost in Racine, Wisconsin, trolling for someone to take it in, take it all in. No one wanted to play along. Finally, the hot dog car tried to turn around in a driveway and “accidentally” plowed into a garage that did not give its consent. The weiner ended up getting stuck.

Oh, and by the way, it was a woman driving.