Brotherly love means hitting each other

Two weddings clashed in the bar of the Sheraton Society Hill in Philadelphia. Guests caught the very early Sunday morning brawl on camera, which left 1 dead and 3 arrested.

One of those witnesses, 15-year-old Max Schultz posted video of a police officer holding back one of the brides as a man in a tuxedo is thrown to the floor. “Did they just deck the bride?” he asked.

Yes, Max. It’s tradition in Philadelphia to deck the bride. If there isn’t a receiving line after the ceremony for every to get a hit in, then it is up to guests to approach the bride sometime during the reception, preferably after dinner, but before the cutting of the groom, and wallop her good. If this sounds weird or gross to you at 15, you’ll understand when you get older.

Come to Vegas and die!

The Vdara is in the new giant Las Vegas City Center complex in the middle of the strip, a place that has around 4 hotels or so. You know what it also has?

A death-ray.

People staying at the hotel have been complaining lately about being more tanned than usual. This isn’t necessarily because of a growing ozone layer hole above the neon city, but because a design flaw in the building. Said flaw has been magnifying the searing light of the sun into a highly potent laser beam of doom, much like you probably did to ants or beetles as a child with a magnifying glass.

The temperatures of the rays have gotten so hot that it’s managed to melt different layers of plastic, something that normally doesn’t begin melting until a minimum of 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Ladies and gentlemen, we are clearly looking at the first ever super villain death trap. I applaud the architects in charge.

Out of the frying pan and into the foyer

Talk about a rough vacation: all the guests get food poisoning in the hotel restaurant, a family is accused of stealing towels when they try to check out, then security guards shoot a teenage girl in the face with a stun gun, leading to an all-out brawl by the front desk. On the bright side, the whole family did get to see the porn movie being filmed in the hotel lobby.

Hmmm. I guess Bulgaria isn’t so bad after all.