‘Free hug’ guy gives tourist free knuckle sandwich

Times Square is a horrible place. It’s a shiny, ad-filled wonderland lined with stores selling overpriced goods and shady people in costumes charging for pictures. It is the perfect embodiment of New York. That’s why it’s also where a hug can turn into a fight.

For some reason, people go to Times Square even though it’s not New Year’s Eve. One such person was a Canadian tourist. She found a man with a sign advertising free hugs. Being Canadian, of course the tourist went in for a hug. When the hug ended and the photo was taken, things got ugly. The free hug man demanded a tip from the woman and she refused. According to authorities, that’s when the guy who had been all about love just a minute earlier, punched the woman in the face before running off.

Welcome to America, eh?

It’s like we don’t even know our best friends anymore

Oh, sure. They'll hug us when they want it, but never when we're OK with it?
Oh, sure. They’ll hug us when they want it, but never when we’re in the mood?

We’ve all seen it happen: one day, your best friend just suddenly changes. Maybe he or she’s phoning it in at work. Or maybe your hugs just don’t have the same awkward sexual chemistry that you used to pretend doesn’t exist. We don’t know why it happens; all we do know is that we don’t even know dogs anymore.

We’re not sure when it went south, but dogs are definitely not helping us find the really good drugs like they used to. The sniffer drugs are only finding smuggled meat and cheeses at Manchester Airport in the United Kingdom. Preventing the illegal import of food part of their job, too, but you just know they’re skimming a little off the top for themselves while letting perfectly good heroin pass through.

But, not only are they slacking off on people work, we also noticed that, looking back on our old Flickr accounts, dogs don’t even like our hugs. In fact, they’re often looking uncomfortably away, perhaps at someone else whom they do want to embrace.

You’ve broken our hearts, dogs. And now you’re the enemy in the War on Animals.