Why we have no bananas today

Today’s Picture of the Day comes from a very serious CBS News article about a study on circumcision, HPV and Uganda.

And while you’re there, stick around for the overly defensive anti-circumcision advocates in the comments. This is what happens when nobody wants to play with your wiener wearing a hoodie.

What do you get for the man who already has HPV?

New relationships are exciting because they’re full of “firsts”:

  • The first date
  • The first kiss
  • The first awkward transition into a 69 position
  • The first proposal of a threesome, followed immediately by
  • The first fight

But, there’s another first that’s livening up Canadian relationships (I know, Canada again?): the first transmission of the human papillomavirus or HPV.

According to a couple of studies published in in the January issues of the journal Epidemiology and the journal Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Montreal researchers found that 56 percent of their 263 female enrollees contracted HPV from their new boyfriends. 44 percent got the ones with extra sauce that can cause cancer.

The scary part is that 40 percent of those who used condoms still tested positive for HPV.

Of course, groin doctors asking patients if they used condoms is kinda like dentists asking if you floss. If they find something, you don’t want to give them “I told you so” ammo.

So, if you’re still wondering what to get your significant other for Valentine’s–just 30 shopping days left!–might we suggest looking down on yourself?

Ask Dr. Snee: Contagious cancer can kill you

(Bonus: +4 xp for alliteration)

Sorry about the long sabbatical since my last house call. I’ve been on the road since May, following the Mamma Mia! tour across America.

Before you judge me (lest ye be judged for judging), I only watch Mamma Mia! because of the hot chicks in it, like Christine Baranski.

Also, I’ve found that any movie with an exclamation point in its title is guaranteed to be awesome:

  • Airplane!
  • Top Secret!
  • Yentil!

So, to clarify: unconditional love for anything Abba-related does not make me gay. My man-crush on Pierce Brosnan, however, does.

Anyway, on to your important medical quer — uh, questions.

Dear Dr. Snee,

I’ve heard you claim that cancer is contagious. Who told you that? They should be shot.

Self-righteously,

MoSane (a.k.a. ClippershipPat)

I agree completely: Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Contagious cancer can kill you