In democracy, machines count for something

Letting machines take over our elections means that people who protest the results will look less crazy and more like John Connor.
Letting machines take over our elections means that people who protest the results will look less crazy and more like John Connor.

Good news, everyone, about the recount in Wisconsin! … No, not that. He probably still won. But! The recount should prove that, when (not “if”) the machines take over, they’re even better at democracy than we are. So, the singularity shouldn’t be a totalitarian dictatorship!

For all the worries about human error in vote counting and machines screwing up, four election experts believe that the Wisconsin recount will prove two things: (1) we’re better at counting votes than we think, and (2) machines are better than us at it and, therefore democracy.

Previous recounts show a 0.28 percent discrepancy in hand-counted votes, while computer-counted votes only had a 0.17 percent discrepancy. And even when the machines screw up, it’s mostly when a human factor interrupts the computer process, like a human logging computer counts incorrectly on a pen and ink form.

So, if we really want a more representative government, then perhaps it’s time to throw out the factor that keeps (minutely) screwing it up: humans.

How humans got head

The human genome has been mapped, but that doesn’t mean that science is done poking around with our source code. Much like bebop and other free-form jazz, sometimes you have to find the genes that aren’t present to learn what separates us from our animal foes.

And that is how David Kingsley of the Howard Hughes Medical Institute and Stanford University School of Medicine in California and colleagues found the gene that makes beejers possible.

Also, something or other about our brains.

(P.S.: As you can tell by the category list, this story was really in our wheelhouse.)

Sharing VD means caring

While we’re on the topic of Valentine’s Day, there’s another V.D. you need to be aware of today, and that’s venereal disease.

The disease du jour is gonorrhea. In the spirit of finding one’s soulmate, gonorrhea only infects humans and has done so since Biblical times and probably earlier. Why such a deep connection? It could be gonorrhea’s shared human DNA fragment, which scientists recently discovered in its genome.

That’s right:

Take it from Snee: Wake me up for the real missing link

Just when evolution is about to become an endangered species in public schools, the anti-religious forces manage to dig up a “missing link.” Again.

I’d get excited and use Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians to clean up afterwards, but — no matter how many humans with sloping foreheads or strange teeth or webbed feet they show me — none of these finds have the basic characteristics of a true missing link.

(Of course, when referring to the “missing link” and “evolution” in this article, I’m doing so with my tongue where God created it: firmly planted in my cheek.)

So, until any of the following are found, I’ll just go back to eating Jesus dipped in Welch’s Jesus Lite. (He may be risen, but He needs some flavor.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Wake me up for the real missing link

‘I’ll just nip out the back and shoot myself’

On first reading this headline, “We have created human-animal embryos already, say British team,” our first instincts were to urge a tactical first-strike on Britannia.  After all, a war on animals includes preempting any Isle of Dr. Moreau attrocities.

But we continued reading the article.  (It’s only one day after April Fools, and the British press have made up news for centuries.)

These scientists may have opened the doors to The Restaurant at the End of the Universe by combining human and cow DNA.  Think about it: vegetarians will be forced to leave us steak- and, to a lesser extent, hamburger-eaters alone if we only eat suicidal cows.

Our prescription for our new bovine sapiens?  Lots and lots of The Cure.