Tag: huntsville

Take it from Snee: I’ll miss you, Huntsville

Well, this is officially my last Take it from Snee as a Huntsville, Alabama resident. On Friday, I return to Northern Virginia, from whence I came, with a new job.

I’ve ragged a lot on Huntsville my years here, from her lack of a decent rock radio station to her jarringly loud tornado sirens (the latter proving to be entirely necessary). And let’s not forget her attempts to make me fat or give me STDs with her drive-through sex toy shops. But, that doesn’t mean I haven’t loved her and the people here. Believe you me, once I’m back in NoVa, you’ll hear plenty about that region that just thinks it’s DC.

No, I do not come to bury Huntsville, but to give it to her one last time. Lovingly. Continue reading Take it from Snee: I’ll miss you, Huntsville

Take it from Snee: I just heard … the worst band today

I awoke this morning to Creed.

The only way to start this day any s%&ttier would be to wake up with an actual human turd in either ear. (I prefer the left ear to compliment my earring.)

It should be noted that I possibly brought this on myself by programming my alarm clock to play Huntsville, AL rock station 95.1, The Rocket. In my defense: it is the loudest station in the area that will wake me up, and it’s not country, so I’ll shut off the alarm clock and not kill my wife and nearby animals.

But, Creed? In 2011? Continue reading Take it from Snee: I just heard … the worst band today

Alabama is trying to kill me with sex

SeriouslyGuys deployed me to Huntsville, Alabama in 2007. They hoped that they would have direct access to all the stupid stories in the South. (Who would have suspected Florida and South Carolina?)

But, every now and then, this town delivers.

Local sex shop Pleasures will open a second location in Huntsville in the best metaphor of our economic times: a closed-down bank. The drive-thru teller lanes will be incorporated into the business as the first sex toy drive-thru in Alabama and possibly the world.

Look, Pleasures owner Sherri Williams: Huntsville just outlawed texting and driving to curb accidents and save lives. Now I have to dodge your customers when they’re on a “joy ride?” Not cool.

We’ve learned nothing from ‘The Usual Suspects’

So, in any prisoner transfer, you’d figure there’s a pretty intense search of the convict: mouth, clothing, probably even their anus … You’d think there’d also be a test for mobility.

The escapist had even previously used the wheelchair, which he ran out of during his escape, to pin his wife against a wall and stab her with a makeshift knife.

Maybe add a kick to the legs or even a tickle test, that’s all we’re saying.

Take it from Snee: Turn it down, turn it off, burn down the station

There Is No Rock Music In Huntsville, Alabama: Part I

There are two groups of people I hate in this world: the Olson Twins — for refusing to answer my very polite, well-written request for a pair of each of their panties — and Lynyrd Skynyrd.

In my defense for the Olsen panties incident, it wasn’t perverted. The two-pack I bought from their fashion line at Wal-Mart did not survive a hiking trip. But this column is not about that.

No, this is about a band that I moderately liked once … before moving to Alabama.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: Turn it down, turn it off, burn down the station