U.K. under attack from fatberg, superslugs

Be glad you don’t live in the U.K. — unless you live in the U.K., in which case, run! It sounds like the entire country is a nightmare right now.

We recently told you about how the sewers of Cheltenham regularly back up, and it seems the problem has only worsened since then. Indeed, the whole town was paralyzed in fear after a “fatberg” blocked up the town’s entire sewer system. The solidified blob of fat made it so people in town couldn’t even flush their toilets. The blockage was cleared before it spilled onto the streets, but we probably haven’t heard the last from it.

If that wasn’t enough, a new race of superslugs is invading Britain, albeit very slowly. Researchers say that an invasive species of slug, which is from Spain, is breeding with a native species and creating a hybrid. The Spanish slug is larger than the British slug, and likes to eat stuff like dead mice and its fellow slugs, and it’s an attractive meal for native predators. The hybrid species has these tendencies, but with the native species’ tolerance for frost. It is a race of superslug that is poised to take over the country.

Our thoughts are with our allies at this time.

Woolly mammoth will return by 2019, researcher says

For years, science has been threatening us with unleashing one of our long-vanquished foes, the woolly mammoth. And luckily for humanity, it hasn’t happened yet, but it’ll be a reality by 2019.

At a conference this week, the leader of a team of  Harvard University researchers boasted that his people are just a couple years away from having a de-extinctified woolly mammoth. Much like the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park, the mammoth wouldn’t be 100% original parts, some of the genes would have to come from a similar creature. That creature in this case is an Asian elephant. So the thing that they make will actually be a hybrid.

We killed all the woolly mammoths thousands of years ago, and we’re pretty close to finishing off the elephant population. We need to step it up to ensure this abomination is never made.

So wrong it’s right

A few years ago, we told you that some bugs are doing it wrong.

Now, science is telling us that for the sake of evolution, maybe they’re doing it right. We’re not sure if this means that making fudge is the proper way for storks to drop babies down chimneys, but we do know one thing: the more godless hybrid abominations that are created through horrid elephant on (literally) minotaur copulation, the more demonic hellbeasts that we have to stop. Which may or may not be a good thing.

It’s here, it’s purple and green, get used to it!

Vegetables just got a little bit more disgusting interesting as the first new vegetable to hit store shelves in nearly a decade is making its debut in the U.K.

A cross between Brussels sprouts and curly kale, the new vegetable, called the flower sprout, is a small purple and green sprout with curly leaves. Brussels sprouts-yup, anything crossed with them is a definite winner with kids. Market test research, the scientists did not. It will be sold at Marks & Spencer grocery stores in Britain starting Monday-the first new veggie added to the roster since tenderstem broccoli came on the scene in 2002.

“Customers love our mini lemons and black apricots — we hope people will be just as excited about tasting a completely new vegetable. Both kale and Brussels sprouts are from the same species (Brassica oleracea) and are part of the same family called Brassicas or Crucifers. This means that their genetics are very similar even though their outward appearance is different,” he said.

This allows them to be cross-bred, creating a new hybrid species. The flower sprout’s taste is similar to that of the Brussels sprout, and it’s best served steamed or stir fried.

Read that last sentence again. Kids, now might be a good time to run for the hills.