Heroic Icelandic police end sinfulness of immoral cat orgies

So, the east coast of the United States was ravaged by the biggest hurricane in Atlantic history. But! Crises were still happening all around the world, especially for local police in Suðurnes, Iceland. To sum it up in two words: “cat parties.”

According to the Rekjavík Grapevine, Suðurnes police were “called out to break up a party being held by cats.”

Morgunblaðið reports that residents living around a house known to be unoccupied for some time noticed several cats coming in and out of an open window. This piqued the curiosity of residents, who summarily called police to the location at around noon last Sunday.

Police arrived at the scene and, entering the house, found no people there. However, two to three cats – the exact number is still unclear – were allegedly occupying the house. According to police reports, the cats were “snuggling” on a couch that had been left behind by the previous residents.

Officers on the scene sprang into action, immediately evicting the cats from the house. They then ensured that all doors and windows into the house were securely closed and locked, in the hopes of preventing an incident of this sort from ever happening again.

Snuggling? Let’s face it, snuggling wasn’t what was stopped, but pure and unfiltered, immoral cat-sex. The prevention of more animal soldiers being used against us AND ending unlawful squatting of property? That’s called a good day, people.

Pip-pip, cheeri-oh CRAP!

Me: So, it seems that Britain could have been an Iceland before Iceland.

Everyone reading at home: WHUH?

Yeah, so, yesterday, Iceland’s government kind of went kaputski due to major economic issues. Posers. It now seems that the entire United Kingdom’s banking system was simply 180 minutes away from imploding. As in, three quarters of a football game.

Real football, everyone else of the world. None of that soccer nonsense.

Anyways, it would seems that people dropping tons of money into the banks earlier were also attempting to pull that money out, come hell or high water. Since this nearly collapsed the British banking system, think of this in large, massive scale amounts of money being taken away all at once.

So, what could this have meant for the rest of the world?

In three hours, we almost saw Atonement turned into Oliver Twist.

Creepy friend pop quiz: math problem edition

Quick, solve the problem: What do you get for the billionaire banker friend who has (and can afford) everything? For those that answered “news for this glorious and amazing website”, you, my friends, get a gold star. For everyone else that answered a naked picture of his wife constructed out of clippings from the Financial Times that mention his name, it’s after-school detention for you.

By the way, does this make what he’s done creepily kinky or extremely narcissistic?

Moussaieff said in an interview. “I have yet to meet someone who does not want a naked picture of their loved ones with text about themselves.’

And that question is officially solved.