This just in: 95 percent of you are disgusting, and a full quarter of you are walking public health saboteurs.
Well, we can’t say that’s true for the entire population. The research was conducted exclusively in New Zealand, so really it’s the Kiwis that are trying to infect us all.
Girl Scout cookies are awesome. Sadly, they stopped making them with real Girl Scouts back in the summer of 1982, but nonetheless, they still remain delicious little morsels that are a bit more overpriced than what you’ll find in a grocery store.
Except Thin Mints. The marriage of chocolate and mint is an abomination and sin before God and man!
Ahem. As we were saying, you can’t really go wrong with most any girl scout cookie, with the exception of the previously mentioned Thin Mints and Lemon Chalet Cremes, but for the latter, that’s because lemon is a horrible dessert flavor. Now, there’s more to it than just a nasty flavoring; try a nasty smell as well.
Many people have recently discovered that their Lemon Chalet Cremes have had both a nasty smell and taste. (That would be lemon flavoring, you uncivilized oaf.) After barraging it with a series of tests, Little Brownie Bakers has declared that the cookies are safe for consumption.
Apparently, the odor came from oils in the cookies that did not break down properly in the production phase. Which is slightly troubling, mainly because it’s oil, which isn’t very well known for its inability to break down.
Of course, we could not care less about this news, just so long as our delicious Peanut Butter Patties and Samoas (political correctness be damned) are go for take-off.
We got tired of worrying about Iraq, mostly because it was messy and a lot of people just got tired of the protesters screaming about this and that all the time. Luckily, we got to jump on the green bandwagon, so we could worry about global warming/climate change instead. This was especially fun during the election season, because it enabled us to see where the candidates stood on an issue that they can do very little to affect in the first place.
But let’s face it, thinking about the world ending, Asian countries ceasing to exist, crops ruined, lack of oxygen, the increase of stronger hurricanes, snow in Las Vegas, heat waves in April, etc. can get downright depressing. It’s enough to make you want to go out and drive around with the air conditioning cranked until you can finally clear your head. Once again, we were provided with a new topic to scream about: the economy. Turns out we were in a recession for a year and never knew it. Cue the layoffs, bailouts and general concern about how people will be able to pay for their iPhone plans.
That got really old. A couple months ago pretty much everyone got tired of hearing about how a population equal to that of Wisconsin lost their jobs, so we asked our media to change its tune. That’s why we get stuff about being frugal now. (Did you know you can read newspapers online for free? 101 money-saving tips inside!) But there was a void. You felt it, didn’t you? It was the void of not having something to constantly worry about, aside from who is getting voted off American Idol. Luckily, we now have something: swine flu apparently happened over the weekend, because the news media are all over this story and why you should be very, very afraid. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Swine flu could be just what economy needs
Eating monkeys, as it turns out, may not be the healthiest thing for you–unless your idea of health is illness. We know, this sounds like crazy talk, but we feel it is our job to tell you about this concern.
According to a CNN report, people in Africa have turned to eating the local monkey population because of the rising price of food. In some respects, this is good news, because now the people, without incentives from Big Government, are going out and taking the fight to the animals–and winning!
On the other hand, some of these warriors are getting some pretty nasty diseases like monkeypox, which, like chickenpox, can only be caught from contact with its namesake.
So, if you happen to be in Africa and you’re on a safari or scrounging for food or whatever, do not eat monkeys, no matter how tasty they look. However, it’s perfectly OK to kill them. They are our enemies after all, and we must stop their attempts at germ warfare.
