Supremely good news, bad news

OK, so the U.S. Supreme Court has good news and bad news. Which would you like first?

We’re sorry. You should speak up louder when addressing your computer, especially if you’re at work. We’ll just assume you said, “Good news first.”

The good news is that if you’re a a juvenile delinquent, then you can no longer receive a life sentence for your crimes unless you kill someone … intentionally. So, this is kind of bad news if you’re a parent and lack the stones to “take out” the bad seed you “brought in to this world.” The system won’t do it for you anymore. (That’s not our “bad news,” though.)

The bad news is that you can still be held indefinitely for sex crimes, which are not murder. So, if you’re gonna have sex with your high school girlfriend (assuming you’re in high school or a famous film director), make sure you have her parents’ consent first.

So, keep your hands gloved and your hard drive clean; otherwise, you’re grounded for life.

Pervert gets 1,000 lashes … from Saudi government

Oh, it must be hard to be a father-figure government based on religious law, especially when that pesky human nature gets in the way. But, it must be even worse when your punishments are kind of kinky as well.

Saudi Arabia has sentenced Mazen Abdul Jawad to 5 years’ imprisonment and 1,000 lashes for “bragging” in a Lebanese documentary about enjoying sex, toys and women he’s not married to.

It’s a good thing that the Saudi government doesn’t stand for these kind of stories. The last thing they’d want the world to think is that their men are normal, not sexless, humorless religious fanatics.