Tag: India

Old man knows secrets of the world, has awesome bladder

Prahlad Jani claims he has lived without food or drink for the past 70 years, yet most people can’t spend two hours playing World of Warcraft without having to pee. What could we all possibly learn from this Indian holy man?

Jani recently spent a period of two weeks being observed by a team of military doctors in Western India state of Gujarat, to test claims that he could survive without food or drink for an extended period of time. The holy man was confined to a hospital, where a team of 30 monitored his every move and camera recorded every moment of his captivity.

If the holy man was cheating during the two-week period, bathing would have been his only chance to do so. If the key to being without food or water for an extended period of time lies in bathing, MMO players might want to stick with pizza and Mountain Dew. While doctors await the results of DNA analysis, molecular biological studies and tests on his hormones, enzymes, energy metabolism and genes, gamers, members of the press, and the makers of Gamer Grub hang on the edge of their seats.

Bollywood? More like Boring-wood, am I right?

Need some money? Then head on over to New Delhi, where you might be selected to watch a movie.

Ram Gopal Varma, director of surprise Bollywood horror hit, Phoonk, has made a sequel to said movie: Phoonk 2. Yes, we know, it’s quite original, though SG is more than a little disappointed that it was not named Phoonky instead. Nonetheless, Varma has issued a challenge: he will give 500,00 rupees (just over $10,000) to whoever can watch Phoonk 2 alone in a movie theater until the closing credits.

Is that a serious challenge? I personally can’t say, mainly because I never saw Phoonk. Then again, Bollywood is only just recently (within the past decade or so) beginning to have a horror arm to their movie world. The movies that they have had so far haven’t exactly rocked my socks. To be honest, the last Bollywood movie I saw involved a dancing Superman. Yeah.

Of course, if anyone would like to help a poor and beleaguered soul with watching a copy of Phoonk, well, my email address is attached to this article.

Six month old ketchup, anyone?

Scientists in India say that they have created genetically modified tomatoes that will stay fresh a full month longer than regular tomatoes.

Researchers said they modified the tomatoes by manipulating two enzymes involved in ripening the ubiquitous fruit, which allows them to extend shelf life by 30 days. Reportedly, the techniques could be used to extend the shelf life of bananas and mangoes.

Is this a good idea? Of course not. Rotting tomatoes were obviously our only weapon in the Great Tomato War. How am I the only person to remember this fact?

New Delhi: Not the public pool

New Delhi is going to be host to the Commonwealth Games in October of 2010 (say it with me, people: twenty-ten), and they’re starting to think that maybe it’d be in their best interest to start cleaning up some of the land so people might be a little impressed with the country.

So that is why they are now embarking on a campaign to holster public urination. According to the mayor of New Delhi, billboards are being put up alongside roads and on buses in an effort to embarrass the lack of shame out of would be perpetrators. We can only hope that shame is the only thing embarrassed out of said offenders.

Men, put away those penises! Ladies, there better not be a puddle underneath where your butt was! The war on crime just got a little dirtier in its efforts to clean up the city.

World record broken, still lame

What did you do between September 4 and September 6? Twenty-six year-old private equity broker Chirantan Patnaik played Grand Theft Auto IV—for 40 hours and 20 minutes straight. We’ll guess that’s he not that much of a socialite.

The man from Mumbai started playing at his home on September 4 at 10:00 a.m. and wrapped up on September 6 at 2:00 a.m., taking only four breaks. His marathon play session was observed by observers and has earned its place in the Guinness Book, surpassing the previous record of playing GTA IV for 28 hours and 1 minute.

“There are so many other games which I have played for long hours,” says Patnaik. But I had never tried playing this particular game seriously. However, I knew that I can do it after I saw my brother playing it … I enjoyed the game very much. It’s fun playing long hours. It wasn’t that exhaustive for me, as one might feel.”

To train for the event, he exercised, ran and did yoga, and while playing, he guzzled coffee and munched on dates. Next up, Patnaik plans to play for more 48 hours straight.

You know, I hate to play up a stereotype (actually, that’s a lie, as I don’t hate doing so in the very least), but somehow, I have questions as to whether he really exercised beforehand. Don’t believe me? Reference that quote again.

Approaching our 7 billionth customer

... and will come out of the tunnel with 500 new babies.This may be news to some of you readers, but there are a lot of people getting it on in the world. Some of them, somewhere, are most likely doing it right now (and probably with your mom).

As a result of the more … industrious nations, the Population Reference Bureau predicts that we will welcome our 7 billionth SeriouslyGuys reader into the world by 2011. What kind of Web site will they see here in 2 years?

  • One they can’t understand, for one, as they will most likely be born in India or Uganda. Also, they will be less than a year old and our humor is at an eighth grade level of sophistication.
  • There will probably be less War on Animals articles because the growing human population will have eaten most of them.
  • And perhaps the most trustworthy news site on the Internet, considering how the others throw their hosting space away on colon-cleansing ads and what Sarah Palin said on her Facebook.

And if lucky number 7 billion is reading this in our archives, welcome! If you see us flying over your abject poverty on our jet packs, be sure to wave.

Take it from Snee: Look out! The world’s ending!

Not really. You'd be spread out all over the place.

Way back in 1999, I understood that the world might end at 12 a.m., New Year’s Day, 2000. That made sense: computers would launch nukes to prevent the return of 1900.

I wasn’t entirely against it because, well, isn’t dying worth avoiding the Titanic, two world wars and disco? If I could trust a computer to provide my pornography, this was an easy decision on who to trust.

Unfortunately, I woke up in the newly-minted Year 2000.

It wasn’t unfortunate because straw hats and ragtime had returned, but because I was hung-over and on several husbands’ to-beat-up lists for hitting on their wives. (C’mon, the world was ending/I was 18.)

From January 1, 2000 and two Excedrin on, I lived. I went to school, helped start a Web site and got married. Little did I know that I did all this on borrowed time, that the world will end before I turn 30 … well, 32, and in one of several ways. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Look out! The world’s ending!

It’s a land of paradise for Uncle Reggies across the world

You know how you may or may not have lost your job because it was outsourced to, most probably, India? Well, guess what industry of theirs is so thriving that it probably won’t get outsourced (copied is another thing though)?

Child prostitution!

Man, the old end theme for the Flintstone Vitamins commercial really gets creepy when you think about it now.

You Missed It: Take my kid, please edition

Not that we are watching the clock or anything, but it appears to be Friday and nearing 5 pm–that is unless you don’t live on Eastern Daylight Time, in which case, tough cookies. I am certainly itching to get out of here and I am sure I am not the only one. If you were busy contracting swine flu this week, odds are you missed it.

Bollywood has its scandals, too
This week, Indian police investigated allegations that the father of Slumdog Millionare star Rubina Ali had once tried to put her up for adoption for $400,000. The initial accusation came from the girl’s estranged mother, and took off when the press got wind of it. The police cleared Rafiq Qureshi of any wrongdoing. Qureshi said, “Of course I didn’t sell her back then, and it’s a good thing, too, because she’s worth a lot more now.”

Clearly, this is not a good time to be a pirate
One of the Swedish judges who convicted torrent site The Pirate Bay last week admitted this week that he had been part of a copyright protection group, which, as they say in Sweden, is probably an example of bias on the judge’s part and therefor the case should be retried. Well, that’s what the lawyers are saying anyway. I have a question, why are the Swedes so hard on piracy? Aren’t they known for invading the territory of others, taking whatever they want, then making a profit off of it?

‘What? Hacking? Noooooo, not us!’
Somebody hacked into park of the plans for the $300 billion Joint Strike Fighter program–the most expensive military aerospace project in U.S. history. They didn’t get much, but they got something, and the U.S. Department of Defense is looking at China. China flatly denies hacking any U.S. stuff, even though their military has a corps of hackers and they are suspected of causing the Northeast Blackout of 2003. China also denied rumors that the Olympics were held in Beijing last summer.

It’s like the news was written for SG

When it comes to the news, The Guys mostly peddle smutty stuff like when strippers attack or animals learn to dial phones. It appears that the news has finally noticed:

1) Not quite the perfect crime

Despite eating all the evidence, a German court upheld the original life sentence of convicted cannibal Armin Meiwes. Meiwes attempted to appeal, trying to knock his homicide charge down to whatever those freaky Europeans call a “mercy killing.” His case looked good until, when asked if he would do it again, Meiwes said, “I had a ball.”

2) Nobody likes hand-me-downs.

Amar and Kundan Singh Pundira share a wife in keeping with the tradition of their village in Himchal Pradesh, India. When it comes to — ahem — intimacy, the brothers alternate nights with Indira Devi, their wife.

“To run our families we have to do this, overcome the hurdles as well and then we have to control our hearts from feeling too much.”

Sex without feeling? Sounds like a normal marriage to us! (Bah-zing!)