Tag: India

What are you thinking, India?

India had a gorilla. Only one gorilla. They know exactly where it is at all times and they have even been trying to fix her up for the past eight years. Nothing’s happened on that front.

Obviously, we say good job, matchmakers. We don’t need any more gorillas in this world, and certainly India is included in that. Gorillas are like nuclear (or “nukular,” for our Republican leadership readers) weapons. The more of them there are, the worse off everyone is. Yet India insists on proliferating apes of mass destruction.

India, don’t you have enough problems as it is? Your country is over populated, you’re in an arms race with Pakistan (aka Next On Our Invasion List), and your cities are already overrun with monkeys. Sounds to us like you have enough primate problems as it is.

Say, we know a nice date for your girl.

Make money doing what you enjoy

Sure, India is one of the few democracies in the Eastern Hemisphere and a huge tourist destination, but did you know it is also really, really gross?

It’s not just the two-faced babies or the people walking around with weird names, no, apparently there is a huge problem with people relieving themselves, regardless of which number it is, in public. This can be quite troublesome in an environment where people are all the time.

So the town of Musiri has taken the approach of the desaparate parent of a toddler: they are paying them to use a public toilet.

“Next year, we can install urine banks so we can sell the urine to farmers,” he said.

Mmmmmm.

Save a bear, do not pass go

Kid tested, Stephen Colbert approved.You know that phrase “No good deed goes unpunished?”

This is not that story.

You know that song “Save a horse, ride a cowboy?”

This is not that story.

What this story is about is the heartwarming tale of a lawbreaker and his quest to break local wildlife laws. What this story is about is the tale of a man who has put his daughter’s life in jeopardy by exposing her to a wild animal. What this story is about is the legend of a traitor to the human race. Rather than go ahead and finish the job that nature had intended (endangering the bear), he instead chose to feed it. Lot of good that did him, too.

We’re in a war, people. There’s no room for error.

Do not adjust your monitor

Today’s Picture of the Day comes from Saini Sunpura, India, where a baby was born with two faces.

Both faces are functional, the father saying that “she drinks milk from her two mouths and opens and shuts all the four eyes at one time.” She also shows no signs of respiratory problems.

All should be well in India, unless she grows up to become the District Attorney of a city plagued with supervillains who will burn one of her faces with acid. There’s no fate worse than being played by Tommy Lee Jones. (“Gosh, we won’t need as much fake burned skin with his already cratered face!”)

Of course, her parents will be disqualified from settling their disputes with a baby toss. She’s twice as likely to land on heads.

Image Source: “Baby with two faces worshipped as a goddess,” CNN. 9 April 2008.

Cheaper jobs in India mean cheaper transplant organs

Ever think your job is getting the better of you: unpaid overtime, working from home on sick days, repeated pitches to buy Girl Scout cookies?

Apparently, employers are worse in India, where they steal organs from new “employees.”

Chalk this up as another reason to be very afraid if your job is relocated to India.

(Courtesy of Kerry Y.)

Tech support can’t save Indian reptiles

If someone said to you, “I have a gharial,” you would probably ask if they needed to go to a hospital. However, a gharial is actually a rare crocodile-like reptile found in India, and as it turns out, they are the ones that need a hospital.

Over the weekend, about 50 gharials washed up dead and scientists in India are baffled at the moment. Meanwhile, animal lovers are worried about the animal, since there are an estimated 1,500 of them left in the wild.

This blog is read huge in India, approximately 0.001 percent of the population (4 million) read us there, so this blog has a feeling this was no “accidental” mass killing of a rare reptile. We would like to congratulate the brave warriors who have once again taken the fight back to the animals. Fifty down, 1,450 left to go!