Tag: Indiana Jones

Welcome to the most deathiest place on Earth

What’s the latest trend in the world? Death. In the past few months, we’ve seen more celebrities and quasi-celebrities bite the bullet than we ever knew existed. So, with our country’s ridiculous obsession over fame, it’s time for more people to give up the ghost, and what better place than at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, “The Happiest Place on URK!”

Recently, a Disney employee died while doing a tumble roll during the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular, making it the third death in under two months. Earlier in August, an employee was hurt during a pirate show and died, and in July, a monorail driver was killed in a collision. Spoooooooky.

On my list of ways in which I’d be alright with dying, “doing a somersault on the ground” is somewhere near the bottom, right above being eaten by the rock monkeys of Gibraltar and dying by LARP-er gang assault.

Take it from Snee: Hollywood’s shameless legacy

You know, considering the events of last year, I really thought we had turned a new page in America, that hate was to become a thing of the past.

But now there are not one, but two movies in theaters about the indiscriminate killing of Nazis. There’s Valkyrie, of course, and now there’s Defiance. This winter, it is a veritable holocaust of German fascists on the silver screen.

I wish I could say I expect more out of Hollywood, but I can’t. We have a long, inexcusable past when it comes to bigoted depictions of Nazis in our film history, starting with Casablanca to The Incredible Mr. Limpet to Raiders of the Lost Ark. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Hollywood’s shameless legacy

Indiana Jones and the War on Animals

What a surprise! Hollywood stars are coming together in Washington, D.C. to protest a war. Once again, the liberal elite are trying to make us lose a war, but this time Harrison Ford, Bo Derek and Robert Duvall made an appearance to save the tigers, as if they need saving.

No one really cares about what Bo Derek thinks, and Robert Duvall played Robert E. Lee, so we shouldn’t be shocked when he rises against his government, but Indy?! Why, Indy? WHYYYYY?!

This is believed to be the biggest celebrity coup in the War on Animals since the military tribunal and subsequent execution of Captain Kangaroo.

Obama sequels/prequels will suck

Kids, we know you love Barack Obama right now. You’ve got the Obama bedsheets, the Obama action figures and playsets — including the Hillary doll your dog chewed up — and a lifetime membership in the Barack Obama Fan Club. (Your pin and stickers are in the mail.)

Yep, you think you’re always gonna love this year’s blockbuster hero. But there is a dark and sinister force looming on the horizon …

George Lucas has declared Obama to be the “hero” “for all of us that have dreams and hope.”

So, enjoy Obama while you can. In 20 years, Lucas will undoubtably make a horrible sequel or prequel with bad dialogue and annoying CGI.

The worst part is that when you’ll say these new movies aren’t as good as the original Obama, your peers will tell you that the original Obama was this bad — you just didn’t notice because you were a kid.

Germany will rise again

Sixty-three years ago, Berlin fell. It was the end of World War II (also known as the War That Was Greater Than the Great War). The evil dictator Adolf Hitler was dead and the world was a happier place, free from ever going to war again.

However, that may not be the end of it for the Allies. It seems Hitler is making a comeback, this time at the Madame Tussauds wax museum in Berlin, but no one is shouting his name and cheering. In fact, they seem to be pretty upset about it.

Luckily, Hitler’s arch-nemesis, Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr. has just come back as well. Get ready for a fifth installment.

The McBournie Minute: Spend summer inside

The summer time brings warmer weather, which makes people wear less, creating more to look at. However, summer also means the summer movie season, which brings even cooler stuff to look at. I have always been something of a summer movie fan.

One summer I had a series of coupons that gave me more money back than the price of admission. I frequented the cinema that summer and turned a profit, too. I will likely never reach that goal again, but I can list off the movies I want to see this summer and why they look so great.

Iron Man
Honestly, when I first heard about this movie, I was not excited in the least. Then I saw the teaser trailer. Robert Downey Jr. looks to have found himself the perfect role: playing a rich jerk with some boozing problems. While this movie is out in theaters, I have not yet seen it. Stop telling me it’s really good or I’ll end up not liking it. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Spend summer inside

Spoiler alert!

There has been a lot of fanfare about the new Indiana Jones Movie finally getting made. It’s been in the works for over a decade, so it better be good. But it seems something with so much fanfare is destined for problems in today’s world.

This blog regrets to inform you that at approximately 11:30 am EST, CNN.com leaked the top secret plot points for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Many of you will not want to read this, because it could spoil the movie. So we will provide you with a link at the bottom, so you can choose to read on at your own risk. The Guys feel it necessary to say that it is a tragedy this had to happen.

Here it is.