Tag: indonesia

Inherit the Windfall

PETA better watch out. Monkey artists are just as cagey and more likely to throw sh*tfits as human artists.

Nearly 100 years ago, the nation was gripped by the Scopes Monkey Trial, which disappointingly did not end in a tense cross-examination of a monkey. If that case about whether science teachers can teach evolution was the defining case of American society in 1925, then the Monkey Selfie Trial of 2018 is our generation’s.

The case of PETA on behalf of Naruto, a monkey who took some selfies using photographer David J. Slater’s camera and Slater later taking credit for the photos in a book, sums up pretty much everything about our creative culture today. Just as early 20th century Americans wondered if embracing the benefits of new science and technology meant giving up their spiritual identity, so too does Naruto (if that is, in fact, the monkey’s legal name) grapple with his own unrewarded vanity and questions about the true ownership of digital intellectual property.

Both are complicated topics that we will debate well into the next century, as we wonder when, oh when, will we see a monkey wearing a judge’s robe and barrister wig preside over a televised small claims trial. While the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit ruled Monday, upholding a lower court that, no, Naruto doesn’t own the rights to his selfie photos, we will also still wonder who owns the selfies that we shoot and share online.

But, what isn’t ambiguous? That, as hippy-dippy as PETA can be, nobody–not nobody–out-liberals the 9th Circuit Appeals Court.

The 9th didn’t have to weigh in; PETA and the photographer already settled. Mr. Slater will donate 25 percent of the earnings from his book to charities “that protect the habitat of Naruto and other crested macaques in Indonesia,” as PETA described it.

Instead of taking the obvious “of course the monkey doesn’t have rights” avenue, the court believes PETA, Naruto’s legal “next friend,” did not adequately repair damages to Naruto. The judges question PETA’s settlement, alleging that they abandoned Naruto to fund their own “institutional interests” instead of directly benefiting him.

Unless Naruto gets his pay day, and whatever other candy bars he deserves, this was not ethical treatment, PETA. You just got Ninthed!

Very bad badminton, indeed

The world of badminton is caught up in an Olympic scandal: players intentionally tanking games for easier playoff matches. Eight women in all have been disqualified from the 2012 London Games after very obviously underplaying, including teams from China, South Korea and Indonesia.

The scandal reached a head when both teams in a match were actively trying to lose, with the South Koreans and Chinese each hoping to outlast the other with net serve after net serve and wide returning shots. The longest volley of the entire match — which can last up to three games — was four volleys. China eventually lost the first two matches, so that means they won?

The takeaway from this story, we guess, is that even lady athletes can act like a bag of shuttlecocks.

[Special thanks to Patrick H. for bringing this story to our attention!]

Even a toddler can quit smoking

Ardi Rizal, the two-year-old Indonesian boy who won our hearts with his two pack-a-day habit, has quit smoking.

The toddler was sent with his mother to an intensive care specialist for one month. He received psychosocial therapy and was forced to play with less mature-looking peers.

Sure, he’s quit now, but let’s see how he does once he enters kindergarten and the real life stress begins.

Yowch

I mean, really … yowch (link is potentially Not Safe For Work).

Breaking up is hard to do, and teenagers are super emotional (hilariously making them lamer than they can even believe), but nonetheless … yeesh. There are somethings a lad can do to get over being dumped, but to quote a line from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, “he chose poorly.”

Glass half full side: some old and unmarried woman is going to get her wish the next time she tosses a penny down the well.

The wrong trousers

What’s with women and their trouser wearing? I mean, who do they think they are? When I see a woman wearing tight trousers, I get embarassed. Am I right, gentlemen?

That’s more or less how things are in Indonesia now. They’re cracking down on women wearing “tight trousers.” If a woman is caught, her trousers will be cut up as punishment. You know what totally embarasses you less? Cutting up a woman’s trousers.

In other news, here in the U.S. we call them “pants,” but that word in other parts of the world means “underwear.”

The secret of my success–money

So, hypothetical situation time: you’ve got a book coming out. The world’s in the pisser. You want people to read, but it’s not easy, what with the rampaging tsunamis, hurricanes and bears. The country where you’re from has a vast scale of living. What can you do?

The easy answer? Toss 100 million rupiah (United States equivalent-$10,740) down to the ground from an airplane. I mean, how else are those people going to buy that book of yours if they have no money? Pay no heed to the possible probable mass rioting that will begin-it’s all in your head. Plus, everyone that’s still alive will totally buy that book of yours. Guaranteed.

Help fight the war by eating junk food

We all know the tastiest food comes from animals, in general, the cutest ones. But now, eating stuff that probably doesn’t have animal parts in it, stuff like cookies, can help rid the world of our animal foes.

You see, many junk foods and other useful products like hair conditioner use palm oil. There is such a demand for palm oil that entire sections of rain forests in Indonesia and Malaysia are being cleared out for palm oil plantations.

“Big deal,” you say. “How does this help me defeat the beasts?” Well, the rain forests they burn not only help fight the War on the Ozone Layer, but it destroys the habitat of many different animals, including the last wild habitat of the orangutan. Yes, wash your hair and eat some Girl Scout cookies and you can give an ape the fate it deserves: a long, slow death by starvation caused by lack of habitat and fear of dudes running around with machetes.

The next wave of illegal immigrants

Global warming may be a threat after all. Not because some scientists are worried that we will be plunged into a new ice age because of it–that’s just crazy talk. But because warmer climates could result in us getting some rather unpleasant neighbors.

Scientists say that if the planet heats up at its current rate, by 2100, parts of North America could have a climate similar to Pakistan or Indonesia. While this blog has no idea what that means, there is a scarier aspect to this: Pythons could invade our territory.

“Climate modeling for the year 2100 which shows the possible climate range for pythons moving northward and swallowing up northernmost parts of Texas and Arkansas, the southeast half of Kansas, the southern half of Missouri and parts of southern Illinois and Indiana. Further east the big snakes could comfortably creep through Tennessee, Kentucky, Maryland, Delaware and southern New Jersey.”

The west coast isn’t safe either. Folks, we have to either fight global warming or fight pythons. Since it’s unclear whether or not a shotgun can kill global warming, this blog recommends we go after pythons.

Fear the (sea) turtle

Turtles are a huge threat to our society. They can live for over 100 years, they eat whatever they want and some during their teen years become mutant ninjas. Of all turtles, it is the sea turtles that pose the biggest threat.

One leatherback turtle was recently tracked swimming from the shores of Indonesia to the coast of Oregon. The turtle was tracked a satellite tracking device, and scientists are saying it might be the longest migration of any animal with a backbone in the ocean. Basically, that means the sea turtle is the ICBM of the animal world.

What shocks this blog is the cowardice of the turtle. Rather than stand and fight like a man, your average turtle will either swim away or tuck itself into its shell. No wonder their bellies are yellow.