Tag: infidelity

Thou shalt not call thy spouse ‘hubby’ or ‘wifey’

When the Reverend Cedric Miller spoke out against married couples using Facebook because it makes infidelity so easy, we knew that a scandal was around the corner. And, lo and behold, it was around that corner 10 years ago.

So a Reverend had sex with his wife and another man. If you had constant access to a book that told you the awesome wrong way to do everything, there’s no way you wouldn’t try something. How could you not mix meat and dairy just once?

But, let’s not lose the point here. Rev. Miller’s right: married couples should stay off of Facebook. Or at least just the ones whose profile pictures are of their children.

Take it from Snee: The quittening

We suburban Americans are normally a cowardly lot. We don’t really grow a pair of balls until wrapped in steel Toyotas and a horn can do our talking.

But, there are certain times when we just can’t resist making someone feel like s@&t about their personal habits.

Prime example: smoking.

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t have sympathy for smokers, and I smoke. But it doesn’t matter where you light up. It could be in the clearly marked smoking area, a corn field in the middle of Nebraska, an asbestos shingles factory in Bangladesh or the Earth’s molten core. Somebody will walk up to you and say, “You know that’s killing you, right?” Continue reading Take it from Snee: The quittening

What’s more presidential than making new citizens?

Proving that the U.S. isn’t the only country with an oppositional party that overcompensates with moral outrage, the South African party, Congress for the People,  is asking for President Jacob Zuma’s resignation.

Zuma, who already has 3 wives and 20 children, fathered another one out of wedlock. That’s right: it wasn’t even with one of his three wives! What ever happened to marital fidelity?!

(Of course, were this a French African country, his wives would probably accept his mistress.)

Critics are citing the statistic that “one in nine South Africans is infected with HIV.” They argue that Zuma’s out of wedlock child sets a bad example.

We’re not saying that South Africa has a … shoddy understanding of AIDS, but not only do they seem to believe that simply more South Africans equals more AIDS, but Zuma himself said, for a separate sex charge, that “he took a shower after the act to minimize the chance of infection” after (allegedly consensual) sex with an HIV-positive family friend.

You Missed It: Comes in threes edition

Listen folks, I’ll be honest with you. I just want to get the hell out of here. See, I’ve got a bender coming up and we all know some things just take priority over the trivial things, like work, in this crazy thing we call life. This may help you the pass time, I’m doing my best to figure out other forms of time travel. If you were busy starring in a loud movie with good and bad alien robots this week, odds are you missed it.

The King of Pop is dead, long live the King of Pop
Did you hear? Acquitted child molester and singer Michael Jackson died yesterday of what could be a heart attack. The Internet almost crashed right along with him, as many news sites reported service outages. Jackson’s death marked the third celebrity death this week. Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon preceded him. McMahon got a pretty good showing of attention, but Fawcett, famous for have blonde hair and nipples, got the shaft since she died a few hours before Jackson. Also, Walter Cronkite’s children are stubbornly insisting their father still lives.

Marriage is an important issue to GOP, fidelity not so much
South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford went AWOL this week following what was a rough session of the state legislature or something. In a Waldo-esque adventure, Sanford ditched his security detail, no one on his staff or even his wife knew where he was for days. It was then reported he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail (during naked hiking day no less). Then he turned up at a Georgia airport, returning from Argentina, where his mistress lives. Great, now we’re even exporting jobs in our nation’s sport f&%#ing industry?

United States: Leader in foot-croquet
In international news, soccer, which I am told is a sport, has been the focus of the world with the FIFA Confederations Cup tournament. In nothing short of a miracle, the U.S. team has advanced after upsetting Egypt and Spain, they now go on to face Brazil in the final round. What’s the reason behind the Americans’ success thus far? Extensive experience in winning engagements with Confederates.