Take the flip-flops off and nobody gets hurt

The latest National Foot Health Assessment (we know you await this every year) says that “78 percent of adults 21 and over experienced one or more foot problems in their lives.” And, it’s mostly because of flip-flops. No, not from injuries resulting from politicians changing their stances. We mean flip-flops, the shoes. Sandals. Slippers. Thongs. Toesplitters. The bare minimum to meet the “shoes” requirement for service.

Experts on feet and flip-flops are divided on this health issue. Podiatrists point to flip-flops having no arch or heel support, toe coverage, consistent flex-points, which leads to injuries. Flip-flop sellers, however, point out that these are all sacrifices made to feeling footloose and fancy-free (even in dress sandals). They both agree, however, that they should never be worn with socks.

What the article fails to mention are how many people are assaulted every year with “accidentally” kicked-off flip-flops, particularly from off-duty drum majors and Deion Sanders. Clench those toes, people, or put on a pair of Crocs like the trash you are.

The streets of Pamplona ran beige with boredom

In what is normally a recipe for pain and hilarity, seasoned bull-watchers were disappointed by the last of this year’s running with the bulls. Not one idiot got gored–not one.

A couple fell and had their stupid scraped knees blown on by the Red Cross, but where was the carnage? It’s the one time of year where humans say to cows, “You know what? Sorry about McDonald’s. Here you go: free hit,” and the bulls did nothing. Even vegetarians are feeling a little less smug today.

The worst part about this is that The Guys’ annual Running with the Bulls bracket was ruined because every single one of us went over. (We play by Price is Right rules.) Granted, my bet of 10,000 might have been a little high, but what can I say? I’m a dreamer.

Ghosts yearn for days of Broadway sensibility

Believe it or not, theatre (not to be confused with theaters, where the floors are only sticky with butter) is in a bit of trouble.

For some reason, Americans aren’t interested in live stage performances of movies they’ve already seen, like Legally Blonde, Les Miserables and Spider-Man.

The last in that list has already injured four people, three of which were “flying”-related.

This logically proves only one thing: Broadway ghosts have had enough of this Ice Capades s#@t, and they are not going to take it anymore.

Lolzerz, I hit a lmpost

These things just jump out at you sometimesTexting has had an incredibly positive effect on society. Rather than have a conversation face to face, or even have to hear the other person’s stupid voice, we can just send a horribly abbreviated message from the office, the car or even the toilet.

However, it seems there might be one single problem for this gift to humanity: we have trouble seeing where we are going. Apparently the problem is so bad that people in the U.K. keep injuring themselves by walking into lampposts and other obstacles on the average sidewalk. One in ten people over there has that problem, so the a charity is testing out padding on lampposts to help cushion the blow.

This blog just thinks most of the injuries are related to their complicated motor vehicle and foot traffic patterns.