Tag: inmate

Supremely good news, bad news

OK, so the U.S. Supreme Court has good news and bad news. Which would you like first?

We’re sorry. You should speak up louder when addressing your computer, especially if you’re at work. We’ll just assume you said, “Good news first.”

The good news is that if you’re a a juvenile delinquent, then you can no longer receive a life sentence for your crimes unless you kill someone … intentionally. So, this is kind of bad news if you’re a parent and lack the stones to “take out” the bad seed you “brought in to this world.” The system won’t do it for you anymore. (That’s not our “bad news,” though.)

The bad news is that you can still be held indefinitely for sex crimes, which are not murder. So, if you’re gonna have sex with your high school girlfriend (assuming you’re in high school or a famous film director), make sure you have her parents’ consent first.

So, keep your hands gloved and your hard drive clean; otherwise, you’re grounded for life.

The World at War … with Animals!

Our boys are fighting bravely all over the world, including in our own backyards and crawlspaces. Remember: buy bacon, or you’re a damn dirty ape!

And now, briefs from the War on Animals.

Caged Bleat!
Connecticut authorities have locked up two goats in the state prison, sentencing them to hard labor. The goats were turned in by farmers who didn’t want them anymore, probably for domestic terrorist attacks against their cans.

PETA burns man alive!
Species traitors and terrorist organization PETA has claimed responsibility for the future cremation of an Oregonian Oreganoan Oregranarian a guy from Oregon. They have already announced how they will desecrate their victim’s remains with pithy slogans and their logo.

The least they could do after cooking him is to eat him. You know, Native American-style.

Tattoo Discrimination Update: It’s on

On June 19, 2008, I wrote a post that made fun of people highlighted in a CNN article about being too tattooed to work in the United States. Some of you out there took offense. I hear you.

No, really: I hear you. I hear you in emails, in comments (new ones today), on the riverboats where I play high stakes video poker … I’m sick and tired of hearing you.

I even pretended to take your side on November 26, but nobody bought it. You got me: I was being funny again.

You keep telling me that you’re upset that I could be so discriminatory. Well, I think you’re all talk, Internet tattoo people.

In response to the latest bout of me-bashing in the threads (by a Christian, no less!), I’ve thrown down the gauntlet and issued a challenge:

If you can show me one (1) photograph that proves there is a non-tattooed prisoner on Death Row …

I will get a tattoo. And I will publish it on this site.

And on your web site, too, if you have one, proving to your friends how smart and influential you are (despite your ink).

I will seriously do this. So show me what you’re made of, painted ladies and gentlemen of the Internet.

Again, I am serious. That’s what I do: I’m a SeriouslyGuy.

Email all pics (like they exist!) to rick.snee@seriouslyguys.com. Make sure you tell me who’s in the picture and what they’re in for. I will also post this up on our Web site to show you bested me.

Note: Do NOT send me pictures of tattooed professionals or super-nice people, trying to prove that not everyone who has tattoos is evil. We all know there are a lot of stupid nice people out there, and tattoos are really popular right now. Just like Britney Spears.