You think they can see altruism in their eyes?

Scientists have discovered that locusts literally look where they’re going, and this discovery about the importance of visual input may mean that bugs are a lot smarter than we thought they were. Literally (that second literally is courtesy of Jeremy Clarkson).

That is not good news in the War on Animals.

It’s being reported from researchers at Cambridge University in the UK that locusts have been observed climbing ladder-like structures to investigate whether or not they used vision to guide them. The fact that they did means that they’re displaying a level of visual brain processing previously believed to be too great for insects, according to the study’s Dr. Jeremy Niven:

The visual control of limb placement in the locusts suggests that this can be achieved by much smaller-brained insects. It’s another example of insects performing a behavior we previously thought was restricted to relatively big-brained animals with sophisticated motor control, such as humans, monkeys or octopuses.

Next up, we expect Cambridge scientists to probably set up a chess match between an octopus and a locust to decide which is more intelligent. Whoever wins that game, we all lose. Also, the octopus will probably try to squirm out of match. After all, it is in its nature.

You’re losing sleep over more than just itchiness

No one likes a bed bug. They ugly, they’re nasty, they make you itch and even worse, they’re the color of communism.

We refuse to have that stand in the United States of America.

Unfortunately, bed bugs appear to be more than just a nuisance to your body-they’re also rough on the wallet. According to one researcher, the monsters are actually tougher to kill than ever before. What does that mean for you? More hours for the exterminator to kill the buggers (no pun intended-okay, pun intended), which in turn means a bigger drain on your wallet. Frankly, that’s not exactly something that mild mannered citizen needs in this rough economy. How about giving us a break, huh Mister Super Exterminator Warrior?

Who would have thought that this war would be so costly?

Insert ‘bee’ pun here

Aside from whales, bees seem to be the most common animal at seems to keep posing threats to the American way. Not only are these buggers capable of harming humans regardless or age, race or creed (you have probably fallen victim to an attack at least once in your life), but they are kidnapping our celebrities.

However, they are now proving to be quite resourceful–nay, industrious–even when in captivity. A truck carrying untold numbers of bee prisoners of war in Sacramento, California flipped over, most likely due to a bee attack. The bees escaped and promptly began stinging everything in sight.

“The bees stung cops and firefighters who tried to corral them. They buzzed toward nearby businesses and forced them to shut their doors.”

See? They are attacking our bravest and finest, as well as trying to take down the economy (like that needs help). It’s the very definition of total war. It’s time we take the fight to them. Grab a can of Raid and let’s march!