Are you in love? Does he or she know? Well, whatever you do about it, for the love of God, don’t buy them flowers.
Flowers, or plant genitals, have long been part of human custom: weddings, birthdays, apologies and funerals. And funerals is just what posies have in mind when they spontaneously combust (i.e., terror explode) and cause $20,000 worth of damage to an Arkansas home.
The whole incident could have been avoided had the Duncans re-potted or even just watered their plant, but the United States does not negotiate with amaranths.
Health care reform was signed into law this week. Half the country is not happy. They feel like everything they know about health care and the insurance industry (which is, by design of both systems, not much) has been turned on its head and that this is the beginning of the end of America.
I could write a counter-argument about why they’re exaggerating this situation, trying to vilify the half of America that thinks it’s a good idea.
I could ignore them and celebrate a minuscule victory that, in the long scheme, will matter very little to the day-to-day lives of most people.
But both of those options would just be an insult to their pain. The way I figure, the debate’s over, so it’s time to get back together. To reunite over the things that we all love and hate. Here is the list that could very well usher in a new era of harmony … until the next bill is proposed.
(Please send all Nobel Peace Prizes to my work address. I’ve got some coworkers in dire need of a good flauntin’.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Time to feel good
Today is St. Patrick’s Day.
And when I think of St. Patrick’s, I think of not pulling out during my annual night of leprechaun-themed sex. (There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for love, unlike certain Meat Loafs.)
Based on your letters, though, most of you think about drinking. Is St. Patrick’s a drinking holiday? I’ve been known tip a keg back for Bastille Day, but imbibing alcohol on a religious day? You people are weird.
Nevertheless, it is my doctorly duty to never turn away a patient until their insurance company says it’s OK. So, let’s get to your questions.
Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Got any Irish in you?
In a move that could be best described as “really, really obtuse,” Catholic Charities is taking a stand against legal gay marriage in Washington, D.C. According to a letter from Edward J. Orzechowski, President & CEO of the group, the company will no longer provide health plan coverage for spouses of new employees or employees who haven’t bought in yet.
(The letter courageously omits why their employees will receive less benefits, merely referencing “the tenets of our religious faith.” Perhaps even mentioning homosexuality is enough to tempt Catholics in Orzechowski’s book.)
So, Catholic Charities refuses to recognize gay marriage by refusing to recognize their own. Take that, homos!
I was a single child as a youngster, and with an eight and a half year difference between my younger brother and I, it’s obvious that I had to be a very independent individual and thus occupy myself with my imagination.
With that said, there are some headlines that I only dreamed that I would see-and this is one of them.
A couple of weeks ago, I addressed how woefully inaccurate my predictions turned out for 2008. I have two responses for that:
- Shut up. You try predicting the future. It’s really, really hard.
- My vision was tainted by proximity. Predicting 2008 was like trying to read with my nose against the page.
So that is why I am continuing my series of 2028 news predictions. In twenty years, my clairvoyance will be so recognized that Suri Cruise will beg to be the new me. (By then, Scientology will be the equivalent of today’s Mormons.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Sexually-active workers need not apply
In 2001, a Hungarian man was reported dead by his wife, who was obviously distraught. There was no body to be found, so the courts waited in 2003 to declare him deceased.
But then, last year the man rose from the dead and started staggering around, no doubt craving for brains. He and his wife were later arrested and charged with fraud, because they had apparently had over $1 million in life insurance on the man. Sorry, zombie punk! It’s called life insurance, not afterlife insurance. This serves as a reminder that the undead are indeed out there and we need to take care of them now with some swift justice.