Tag: intelligence

You’re going down, Osama and Jimmy

A senior NATO official believes Osama Bin Laden may be living in a house in northwestern Pakistan, not in an Afghan cave as we previously thought. He further said that locals and Pakistani intelligence officials are protecting his location.

But, before we send the military rushing into yet another Muslim country, SeriouslyGuys brings NATO this breaking news announcement:

We have reason to believe that Bin Laden is neither in a cave nor in a house, but in the bedroom of one Jimmy Krapplewitz. Our intel indicates that Jimmy’s been hosting the 9/11 mastermind in his parents’ Great Falls, VA townhouse along with our Secret Wars #1, winning POG slammer and pictures of what may be Katey Jorkin’s mom’s boobs.

Go forth, you Coalition of the Willing! Go forth and bring our stuff back get that S.O.B.!

Today’s attire: ‘protest casual’

Demonstrating precisely why they get paid half as much as their defense and intelligence counterparts, Israeli foreign ministry workers are protesting their low wages by dressing down in the work place.

Calling it “a strike,” the diplomatic employees have refused to wear a suit and tie to work. However, they still show up to work and perform work duties, only in jeans and flip-flops.*

The dispute has lasted six months now, but we only just noticed because Israel rarely engages in diplomacy nowadays.

*Fun Fact:
In some regions, flip-flops are called sandals, tongs, slippers or Buffett low-kickers.

SeriouslyGuys makes you smarter

Readers, we know you’re already pretty smart. You’re reading SeriouslyGuys at work, maybe even in school, and we bet you haven’t been caught yet.

We’ve been high-fiving your intelligence with penis jokes for years, and now 75 percent of surveyed “scientists, business leaders, consultants, writers and technology developers” agree: SeriouslyGuys (and some of the rest of the Internet) makes you smarter.

Of course, there’s still that pesky 25 percent that believes that you use the Internet to serve as your intelligence or reinforce what you already believe. You know that’s not true, and–to prove it–we said so.

You think they can see altruism in their eyes?

Scientists have discovered that locusts literally look where they’re going, and this discovery about the importance of visual input may mean that bugs are a lot smarter than we thought they were. Literally (that second literally is courtesy of Jeremy Clarkson).

That is not good news in the War on Animals.

It’s being reported from researchers at Cambridge University in the UK that locusts have been observed climbing ladder-like structures to investigate whether or not they used vision to guide them. The fact that they did means that they’re displaying a level of visual brain processing previously believed to be too great for insects, according to the study’s Dr. Jeremy Niven:

The visual control of limb placement in the locusts suggests that this can be achieved by much smaller-brained insects. It’s another example of insects performing a behavior we previously thought was restricted to relatively big-brained animals with sophisticated motor control, such as humans, monkeys or octopuses.

Next up, we expect Cambridge scientists to probably set up a chess match between an octopus and a locust to decide which is more intelligent. Whoever wins that game, we all lose. Also, the octopus will probably try to squirm out of match. After all, it is in its nature.