There are lies on the internet, study published online says

Whether you’re Trump supporter or an anti-vaxxer, you know not to trust what you read online unless it’s an image quote someone shared on your wall that lines up with your personal biases. The rest of us sheeple tend to believe things that we read. Science says we should know better.

According to a recent study, pretty much everyone online is lying about something. Some of us make up things to support their pet cause, others lie about their appearance. And some even lie about things that interest them. Turns out, we all just want to seem cooler, more attractive and carefree. The Guys, who are all extremely handsome, promise we’ve been truthful.

But then, you read it online, so perhaps it’s not true.

McBoatface: a uniter in a sea of discord

Like Bernie, Boaty still believes in doing huge (YUUUGE) things, like exploring what little Arctic is left.
Like Bernie, Boaty still believes in doing huge (YUUUGE) things, like exploring what little Arctic is left.

We don’t agree on a lot right now, and every name we read about in the news manages to polarize the country: Trump, Clinton, Cruz and even Bernie Sanders. (Yes, we get it. He’s your awesome college roommate, only 50 years older.)

And, then there’s McBoatface.

Boaty McBoatface has done what no other prominent name on the Internet can do: unite everyone and win clear-cut support. But she doesn’t want to lead the free world. All she wants (and we know it’s a “she” because) is to be the name of a British polar research vessel.

People of all ages and stripes have overwhelmingly supported her cause, beating out other more established names like Shackleton, Endeavour and Falcon. (We’d love to see the Endeavor/Falcon ticket try again in ’20.) But, even though the people have spoken, it looks like the Establishment — in this case, the Natural Environment Research Council — will overrule our votes and send McBoatface down the same tributary of history as Nader, McGovern and Perot.

We shouldn’t be surprised, though. We fought a war the last time the British government refused to recognize our right to representation.

New life mission: drink with the Pope

♫ Pie Jesu Domine -- sip -- Dona Booze Team As-sem-ble! ♫ ♪
Pie Booze Team Domineclink!Dona Eis As-sem-ble! ♫ ♪

Pope Francis released a statement Thursday, saying the Internet is a blessing from Godblah blah blah, and some nonsense about not overdoing it unless you want to lose connectivity with the people around you, etc., ad infinitum, amen.

But, he also

called for communications in the digital era to be like ‘a balm which relieves pain and a fine wine which gladdens hearts‘ and for the church’s message to not be one of bombarding others with Christian dogma.

[Emphasis ours. He wasn’t slurring.]

Holy s**t! (Sorry.) We knew the Pope was Catholic, but we thought he only sipped wine because he thought it was blood!

We will drink that wine with you, your Holiness. And then we can smoke whatever’s in those thuribles.

Take it from Snee: And you thought the Internet was no good

Just like with the printing press and television, we knew that the Internet was going to change the way the world works. And by change, we meant destroy the very fabric of society, leaving those unfortunate souls who remain shambling around alone into signposts, staring into their pamphlet/portable TV/iPhone.

Good grief, I can barely drink and drive in a straight line as it is.
Good grief, I can barely drink and drive in a straight line as it is.

And, for the most, part, yeah, that’s the way things turned out. In fact, I’m writing this very post while I’m driving. (Calm down, I’m dictating it to my secretary. I can’t write, steer and hold this wine glass. That would be irresponsible — everyone knows how easily Chateau Lafite bruises.)

But, here’s the thing: while, yes, the Internet is a distraction at best and providing a platform to the worst people at worst, it’s also changed some of the old ways we do things for the better.

So, let’s ignore that I am, in fact, one of those worst people from the previous sentence and give thanks for what the Information Superhighway (remember that s**t?) has done for us lately. Continue reading Take it from Snee: And you thought the Internet was no good

The McBournie Minute: Cinnamon and the benefits of life online

The internet changed our lives in different and mostly unexpected ways. When was the last time you had an in-person conversation with a stranger and didn’t think they were at least a little creepy? We don’t talk out loud anymore, and we interact with fewer people than we did. But these are just two of the wonderful benefits of living life online.

The web has given us access to all the knowledge in the known universe. In a matter of seconds, you can access the wonders of human achievement in creativity, communication, math, science, history and so much more. Scholars of centuries past would marvel if they could see it today. Naturally, we instead use the internet for LOLcats.

But how is our misuse of the internet helping humanity? I came up with a couple examples. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Cinnamon and the benefits of life online

The internet has cats on the brain

Google, in all of its infinite wisdom (and money), decided that it would be a smart idea to see what Google would do if it was a person on the internet.

So, with the power of 16 thousand computers, Google did that very thing, simulating a brain to test the act. What did this Google e-homunculus do?

It went to Youtube and searched for cats.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Torrents

Sweden — famous for their meatballs, erotica and competitive bikini-wearing (see image) — has recognized a new religion, the Church of Kopimism.

Kopimism — based on the Swedish words for “copy me” — is based partially on the belief that all information is sacred and, therefore, free to share a la Pirate Bay. (Another belief is that all communication is sacred should remain private.) Their new status as a recognized religion grants them protections in Sweden for violating copyrights.

The Guys think this is such a great idea that we’ve decided to found our own religion, the Church of Free Movies and Music and Stuff. Look for our upcoming Web site, which looks just like the Kopimists’ site, only with our name on top. We’ll probably clean up some of their meatballed English while we’re at it.

We’d buy that for a dollar

Detroit has, for some years, struggled with it’s image … Alright, who are we kidding here? Detroit sucks.

The most iconic things to come out of it since Motown are Eminem, Kid Rock, the Lions, Home Improvement and Chrysler. The only way that list could include more failure is if a Detroit-based medical lab accidentally developed AIDS while working on a cancer cure. (For the CIA, of course.)

And there’s been no movement to fix that–not until a recent Internet poll by Mayor Dave Bing. Unfortunately, Mayor Bing has rejected your suggestion to erect a statue to Robocop.

[Special thanks to Matt Staggs.]

You Missed It: This post is over edition

Bryan McBournie is gone for the day. I won’t tell you where he is, but I’ll just say that what he’s doing rhymes with “pot neing a bedophile.” As such, your favorite (emphasis mine) fill-in writer, me, will have to satisfy your SeriousDesire. Look into my eyes. You know you want it. Just think of it as Christmas in July, even the Jewish people. If you were too busy popping any recalled pills so that you could get extra strength awesome (and by awesome, I mean ouch), odds are you missed it.

When Internet Doves Cry

The musician known as Prince that was then formerly known as Prince and now is known once again as Prince has declared that the internet is over, which has put our website into a little bit of a worry, seeing as how we’re web-based and all. The artist from Minnesota stated that the internet has become like MTV, outdated and that digital devices just fill your head with numbers. Of course, we’re thinking that he’s simply a little perturbed since there’s no key on a QWERTY keyboard for the “symbol.”

There’s a New King In Town

Heralded NBA player Lebron James, after months of deliberation and much press, has finally made his decision about where he will play next year. The hallowed “King” James has decided that the city where he will play in for the 2010-2011 season is Miami, as a member of the Miami Heat, alongside other superstar free agents Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. He leaves the Cleveland Cavaliers after 7 seasons as a Cav.

This Just In

The city of Cleveland is no more and has become a victim of a self-inflicted scorched Earth policy.

New Cheese Flavored Alzheimer’s Cure

A study at a university involving old rats has shown that they’re starting to retain their memories after losing them. This is great news, as even the derivative of the compound given to the rats appears to be even better at protecting memory neurons. Another great benefit: now we can remember just how many rats we killed, along with how many more we need to.