Tag: internet

A SeriouslyIntervention

Hello, SeriouslyReader.  How are you?  Good.

You’re probably wondering why The Guys are all here in your office.  We wanted to start by saying that we love you, but we’re concerned.

According to Dr. Jerald Block’s article in the American Journal of Psychiatry, you’re addicted to the Internet.  We’ve noticed it for some time, as you:

Suffer from feelings of withdrawal when a computer cannot be accessed.
Remember that time you tried us at gunpoint, just to see if there were any new Fark headlines?  That was scary.

Increasingly need better equipment.
You camped out for an iPod Nano.  You already have a regular iPod and a video iPod.

Need more time to use it.
We used to go on trips.  Now “there’s never enough time” because your 2,000 Facebook friends are constantly updating their relationship statuses.

Experience negative repurcussions from your addiction.
You lost your job because you were distracted by a flame war in Cary Tennis’ advice column about breast implants.  Your children have to eat chiclettes for lunch.  Oh, and you totaled the car because you were texting your BFF to let him know “where u at.”

As we said, The Guys love you, but you have an addiction, and it hurts us to watch your downward spiral.  You don’t have to quit the Internet, but you could cut back.  How about just reading SeriouslyGuys from here on out?

Church to accept indulgences through PayPal

The band Bush once wrote a song called “Jesus Online.” Unlike the vast majority of Bush’s songs, this one is starting to make sense.

Churches are reporting a decline in people showing up for the confession of their sins, that is, you know, if their branch of Christianity believes in that sort of thing. However, it may no longer be a priest needed to act as a conduit to a higher power, all one might need is an Internet connection.

People can now “reach out and touch faith.” (See, Depeche Mode fans? We got a reference for you, too.) A new study from Georgetown (Jorgétown, to our Spanish-speaking readers) says that more and more people are logging on to Web sites, both Christian- and non-Christian-run, to confess their guilt on everything from binge shopping to affairs.

The Guys are ready to hear your wrongdoings, citizens of the world. Feel free to leave a comment or send us an e-mail with your salacious sins.

Note: SeriouslyGuys is not an ordained Web site, nor is it affiliated with any particular religion. We do however, feel the need to get the latest gossip.

KY Rep files bill, wishes could do so anonymously

This just in: Kentucky has the Internet. 

However, at least one of their lawmakers doesn’t “get” it: “Kentucky Representative Tim Couch filed a bill this week to make anonymous posting online illegal.”

The bill would require all Web sites to force anyone submitting content to register with their full name, address and email address.  Any sites that publish comments from the elusive Anonymous will receive fines ranging from $500-1000.

Who would be hit hardest by this bill?  Day planners and poetry Web sites, of course.  Also affected would be any site publishing the work of anonymous bard William Shakespeare, whoever the hell that was; Mark Twain (real full name: Samuel Clemmons); and the Federalist Papers.

To file your anonymous complaints, be sure to comment on the linked story.

This is the end … this is the end, my dial-up friend

Netscape Navigator, that 28.8 and 56K champion, died a sad and quiet death this past Saturday. It was unloved and unused for most of the past five years.

In its prime, Netscape was a browser chosen not for its proven ability and power, but for its visual design, making it the aesthetic winner of the mid-1990s, or as I like to call it, Web 0.7. If you ask them, many will remark that they haven’t used Netscape since their days in high school, running on that new Pentium-powered edition of Windows 95. I know that I can. A moment of silence, if you please …

… Now, if you’re not using Firefox, you’re a dummy. Get off of Internet Explorer already and get with the program, dumb-face.