The press is buzzing with what must be the most spell-checked story in the War on Animals. According to Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, the federal government is not doing enough to fight carp.
Gov. Granholm–along with the governors of Ohio, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin (commonly referred to as “the carp states”)–has asked the White House and the U.S. Supreme Court to shut Chicago-area locks. This strategy encloses the carp into a proverbial barrel for killing before they can reach the Great Lakes, which are only getting carpier and carpier by the minute.
Critics of the lock closing plan, including Assistant Secretary of the Army of Civil Works (the Fightin’ Civil Workers!) Jo-Ellen Darcy said the plan is total crap because the carp can still get pumped out of a Chicago station.
One thing’s for sure: unless we scoop these carp out of our water systems, we’ll be up to our armpits in it.