Western technology at work for traditional values

Better known as Bon Jovi Disease.Look, we’re not condoning attempting to kill your children because they’ve grown “too Westernized.” In fact, we’re taking the hard line here and saying we’re against it: attacking your kids to uphold your ideology is wrong. (There, we said it.)

But … if you’re going to do it, wouldn’t it make a stronger message if your method doesn’t involve a Jeep?

Seriously, we can see you hauling a bunch of rocks to throw at her with it, maybe even rigging it with explosives, but letting the rubber meet the road? Maybe she learned it by watching you, dad.

Sense of humor > sense of dignity

Muntadher al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at George Bush and spurred some of the greatest animated GIFs in Internet history, explained in court why he did it: “the former American leader’s ‘bloodless and soulless smile’ and his joking banter provoked him.”

Get it?!

Soulless” … “sole-less” … Shoes have soles. Bush’s smile need a airborne-helping of sole.

Also, had the shoe hit his lip, it would have bloodied his smile, too. It’s a pun about how Iraq needs more blood donors. Very highbrow and socially-conscious, like a Victor Borge performance.