Cry about it: Scientists can produce energy from tears

This week really isn’t off to a good start. Between Las Vegas and Tom Petty, there seems to be a lot to be sad about. But if there is any bright spot to be made, it’s that we have finally found a truly limitless source of energy.

Researchers in Ireland say they have found a way to harvest energy from human tears. Lysozyme crystals can be found in your tears and your saliva, and scientists have found that these crystals have an electric current if they are pressurized. That means that if we cry and drool enough, we can be our own sources of renewable energy.

Lysozyme crystals can also be found in the whites of birds’ eggs and in the milk of mammals. So if you’re sitting down to a mouthwatering breakfast that includes eggs and milk, and you’re crying about the mistakes you made the night before, we’re going to say your carbon footprint doesn’t exist.

Scientists finally uncover something in Ireland that isn’t whisky

Ireland gets a lot of crap from the rest of Europe–not that it hasn’t been taking crap from the English for centuries. They say the country owes all of its culture to the Brits, they say it’s not very historical. Today, those critics have been proven wrong.

Scientists have found a big lump of butter dating back to the days of Jesus Christ, and they found it in a bog in County Meath, Ireland. Now who lacks historical landmarks?

Vegans find way to ruin beer for us

Congratulations, vegans, you’ve won. You finally made everything that was enjoyable about the world crappy enough for you to put it in your body.

For hundreds of years, Guinness has been made in Ireland, and while the brewing methods may have changed, it’s always been with the same ingredients. Now, they’re going to change the recipe so your smelly, greasy-haired friend you wish you hadn’t invited to the party can enjoy it too. Guinness will no longer use isinglass, a gelatin made from fish bladders, to remove yeast particles from its beer. So now you can listen to your friend ramble about the dangers of chemicals in water while he or she gets drunk on the most famous stout in the world.

The only good news here is that this change will only happen for the Guinness brewed in Ireland. Here in the U.S., we can still proudly drink our beer with the fish bladder goop in it.

Drugs legal in Ireland for a day, now you can see leprechauns

This blog would never encourage you to do anything illegal. Which is why if you’re reading this in Ireland, stop immediately, and go do some drugs.

That’s right, thanks to a court ruling and a loophole in Irish drug laws, ecstasy, mushrooms, ketamine and other drugs are completely legal–until Thursday. An Irish judge has found one of the country’s biggest drug laws unconstitutional, which means that of the Class A drugs, which probably means most of the hard stuff, is temporarily legal.

Saint Patrick’s Day has come early for the Irish. In case you forget what’s legal on your way out to buy drugs, here’s a helpful song. (Last 30 seconds NSFW.)

Garth Brooks to do to Ireland what he did to music

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Fun Fact: All of Ireland’s troubles are potato-shaped.

U.S. country singer and face on your mom’s over-sized sleep shirt, Garth Brooks, only wants to perform five concerts in Ireland. And if he can’t have five shows, then he won’t perform at all.

Now Irish business groups are worried that “the Garth Brooks saga” will damage their tourism industry and upcoming bids for the Rugby World Cup and soccer competitions.

The last time a Garth Brooks saga threatened this much destruction was when that Chris Gaines guy started playing his shows.

Ireland: Land of low beer prices

The Irish may not drink as much per capita as Americans, but they certainly have a reason to. We’re not talking about emotional reasons, we’re talking about economic reasons.

As it turns out, beer costs less than water in some Irish supermarkets, way less. In some locations, a bottle of beer costs only 50 Euro cents, while a bottle of water costs 1.50. Let’s keep in mind that beer is made from water, and has other fun stuff, like alcohol added into it.

We can only assume that water costs so much because whiskey comes out of the faucets at home.

Another reason to properly label things

I’ll readily admit that I’m anal retentive when it comes to organization and labeling. You probably wouldn’t know it if you came by my place as it is kind of slobby, but I have a system! There’s a place for everything and everything has its place. You wouldn’t believe how organized my phone’s address book is, I’ve got sub-folders for chronological organization for my bills in accordion folders and there is no randomization for my dvd collection whatsoever.

Obviously, that’s not so much the case for Father Martin McVeigh of Ireland, who accidentally showed hardcore gay porn to parents at a presentation after plugging a USB stick into a port. Stupid new-fangled technology.

I want to know how long it’ll take the Westboro Baptist Church to make it out there and protest the man. Or would they already be doing that since he’s Catholic?

An alcohol stimulus package

Fresh off of the “St. Patrick’s Day season” as Guinness puts it, there’s some bad news out of Ireland. No, the violence hasn’t started up again–worse. The country’s alcohol sales are plummeting.

A recession and unemployment mean have hit Ireland’s economy hard, and that means everyone has less money to spend at the bar. This would make sense if it were any country but Ireland. Haven’t they read Angela’s Ashes? There’s always money for booze!

For us Americans, it means good things. We can go to Ireland and find some great deals there. Did you know they have Irish pubs in Ireland? It’s true! And those Irish pubs may have great drink specials going on because they need your money so badly.

Take it from Snee: A few more things

As I established last “lightning round,” there are certain thoughts I have that don’t really make an entire Take it from Snee. They’re just ideas I save up from stories I read and, when the week’s particularly slow, I just ejaculate them into one gonzo post.

So, enjoy my brain ejaculations.

I promise to avoid your hair and those pants that are dry clean only. But you’re on your own for your eyes. You don’t like this? Keep ’em shut. Continue reading Take it from Snee: A few more things

The McBournie Minute: I’m moving to a new country

If I told a joke about someone a different race, religion, gender, etc. as me here, I might get some negative feedback. If I told a joke like that at work, it would be most likely a poor career move.

I’m not really one for that brand of humor anyway. Too much of it is misplaced. Humor is in misdirection and suprise, not in playing up stereotypes with bad impressions. (Hear that, Mencia?) So normally, I don’t think about this sort of thing, but last night, I had to.

I was out on the town, at an Irish Pub near me, watching Seamus Kennedy, an Irish folk singer (from Ireland, so you know he’s good) perform. It was there that I figured it out: foreigners can get away with way, way more than we Americans ever could. I’m not talking about the perceived white-people-can’t-make-jokes-anymore factor, just if you have an accent, you can say anything you want. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: I’m moving to a new country