Hi folks. It’s been a couple weeks. Anything big happen? Oh right. Hey, so just remember that people aren’t all one thing. Trump voters aren’t all racists. Clinton voters aren’t all coming for your guns. There are certainly those elements in both groups, but people are wonderfully diverse and complex. We’re programmed to mentally lump groups together, and it’s easy to do that. We all have different experiences, priorities and points of view. We had a bad roll of the dice for leadership choices this time around. We’ll do better next time. Until then, let’s talk to each other and remind ourselves that we’re all living, breathing humans–except for the racists. If you were busy doing the mannequin challenge this week, odds are you missed it.
This week, it was revealed that a man in Yellowstone National Park ignored all the warning signs and went up to a geyser looking to take a relaxing dip. He then fell into the scalding hot, acidic water and ended up dying. If that’s not 2016 in a nutshell, nothing is.
Heh, we said ‘titular’
Disney’s “Moana” will be coming to theaters soon enough, but when it opens in Italy, it will have a different name. The movie is named after its lead. The titular character is a Polynesian princess that goes on some sort of an adventure. But in Italy the movie will be called “Oceania” because the name Moana is closely associated there with an adult film star Moana Pozzi. This is name change is expected to save millions of Italian men from going to the wrong movie.
Fashion person thinks she’s important
Designer Sophie Theallet has pledged to not dress future First Lady Melania Trump, and is encouraging other designers to do the same, because ohgodwhocaresit’sjustclothes.
Venice is widely known as one of the most beautiful cities in Europe, perhaps even the world. Rather than have streets, its citizens get around by boat through a series of canals–at least that’s how it looks in the movies, we’ve never actually been. But now, the city is being overrun with pirates.
Venetians are reportedly upset that big cruise ships are allowed to make their way through one of the city’s largest canals. They say the parade of huge ships hurts the beauty of the city’s skyline, and the cruise ships may be hurting the fragile foundations of Venice. That’s why they are dressing up like pirates and shouting at every ship that comes along.
An estimated 1,000 citizens joined to yell anti-cruise ship slogans and play anti-cruise ship music at ships recently. The people on board probably thought it was just a warm welcome.
Most people don’t cause an international incident when they visit a winery. But most people aren’t Vladimir Putin and Silvio “Bunga Bunga” Berlusconi.
While broing out in Russian-controlled Crimea recently, Putin and Berlusconi went on a tour of a historic winery (they’re European, they bro-out differently), and likely drank a bottle of wine treasured as Ukrainian history. They reportedly drank a bottle of 1775 Jeres de la Frontera, worth more than $90,000.
Perhaps the most shocking part of this story is that it’s not what Putin and Berlusconi did while they drank, it’s what they drank.
Folks, we can ill afford another war right now. We’re still fighting wars on aliens, animals, art, education and robots, as well as our undeclared war on chafing. But we find ourselves at the brink or war once again, this time, with plants.
Late last month, a woman in Italy was cutting up artichokes she bought earlier at the grocery store. As soon as her knife pierced one of them, it exploded. She was stunned, but largely unhurt. What’s even more shocking is that similar attacks like this occurred in Italy in 2003 and 2008. The story the Italian government wants you to believe is that it’s a chemical reaction related to fertilizers.
We’re not saying that this means war just yet, but it doesn’t look good.
A couple who were caught having sex outside in Southern Italy during the 2006 World Cup lost their appeal today. Italy’s highest court, the Supreme Court of Cassation, upheld previous rulings that the couple indeed deserved to be convicted of obscene acts in public. This is even though they were the only ones outside and with enough sense not to watch soccer when they could be boning.
The 60-year-old man and 40-year-old wom … ew. You know what? Nevermind. You win this round, soccer.
No one really likes the French. They’re smelly, lilly-livered and rude. My parents visited France this summer, and while they say that they never experienced any of the negative stereotypes, I don’t believe them. France is a bunch of jerks.
No one knows why the statue has been created, as Algerian artist Adel Abdesseme, creator of it, hasn’t said why it was made or who commissioned it. In the meantime, we can only assume do-ins are afoot.
Silvio Berlusconi, the Guys’ favorite Italian prime minister, commented to newspaper La Repubblica that he is 74 years old and “even though I may be a bit of a rascal … 33 girls in two months seems to me too much even for a 30 year old ….”
“On top!” he added after a scripted dramatic pause.
Berlusconi then passed out Italian high-fives to all in attendance, which are like normal high-fives, but inside of an underage prostitute.
It’s Friday afternoon, so we figured we’d give you little hornballs out there a dose of bunga-bunga.
Embattled Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi faces more and more pressure everyday to step down. Women protesters have called for his resignation, prosecutors want to try him for underage prostitution, and the parliament is considering bumping up their elections.
To all of this, Berlusconi replied: “[No] one can rule better than me.”
He followed that up with: “I mean, name one prime minister who has loved women more than me.”