Drunken mountain climbing is the hot new trend

The best part about a vacation is that you get to travel to a new place and drink there. The only down side is that if you get drunk, you may not find your way home. But that’s just part of the adventure, isn’t it?

An Estonian man on vacation in the Italian Alps got drunk and thought he was heading back to his hotel, but ended up hiking halfway up a mountain. According to reports, the drunk man took a wrong turn and headed up a hiking path, and was forced to break into a bar (divine providence!) to stay warm for the night.

He was found by bar staff the next morning with a great drinking story.

Italy punishes their only sensible couple

No time for love, Italiano Jones!

A couple who were caught having sex outside in Southern Italy during the 2006 World Cup lost their appeal today. Italy’s highest court, the Supreme Court of Cassation, upheld previous rulings that the couple indeed deserved to be convicted of obscene acts in public. This is even though they were the only ones outside and with enough sense not to watch soccer when they could be boning.

The 60-year-old man and 40-year-old wom … ew. You know what? Nevermind. You win this round, soccer.

France trolls Italy at the statue-esque level

No one really likes the French. They’re smelly, lilly-livered and rude. My parents visited France this summer, and while they say that they never experienced any of the negative stereotypes, I don’t believe them. France is a bunch of jerks.

And they’ve decided to make this known to the world, or potentially, just to Italy. A 5-meter-tall statue of Zinedine Zidane (surprisingly not a Final Fantasy character) headbutting an Italian soccer player in the 2006 World Cup final has debuted in Paris.

No one knows why the statue has been created, as Algerian artist Adel Abdesseme, creator of it, hasn’t said why it was made or who commissioned it. In the meantime, we can only assume do-ins are afoot.

Berlusconi proves the rapiest wit

Silvio Berlusconi, the Guys’ favorite Italian prime minister, commented to newspaper La Repubblica that he is 74 years old and “even though I may be a bit of a rascal … 33 girls in two months seems to me too much even for a 30 year old ….”

On top!” he added after a scripted dramatic pause.

Berlusconi then passed out Italian high-fives to all in attendance, which are like normal high-fives, but inside of an underage prostitute.

Bunga-Bungasconi!

It’s Friday afternoon, so we figured we’d give you little hornballs out there a dose of bunga-bunga.

Embattled Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi faces more and more pressure everyday to step down. Women protesters have called for his resignation, prosecutors want to try him for underage prostitution, and the parliament is considering bumping up their elections.

To all of this, Berlusconi replied: “[No] one can rule better than me.”

He followed that up with: “I mean, name one prime minister who has loved women more than me.”

Italy’s tired of your s%@t

Italy is at war, a war against indecency.

Mayors are using new powers granted by the Prime Minister to combat the social ills plaguing their towns. No more will peaceful townsfolk have to endure the brazen delinquency of … miniskirts?

Mayor Luigi Bobbio of Castellammare di Stabia has invoked his anti-anti-social rites to outlaw revealing clothing, sunbathing, playing football (not what you think) in public places and–in case you were planning to curse after receiving your fine–blasphemy.

Other Italian towns have cracked down on the very practices that once destroyed their empire, including “sandcastles, kissing in cars, feeding stray cats, wooden clogs and the use of lawn mowers at weekends.”

New moral order, folks. Take your debauchery very quietly elsewhere.

A hunka burqa love

A Muslim woman was fined by police for wearing presumably nothing but a burqa outside in Italy.

This and a proposed French law to ban the sexy, sexy garment has prompted a serious debate about gender norms, taboo and religion as the world’s cultures are increasingly mingling in romantic destinations like Tuscany, Paris and Detroit.

On the one hand, women could be wearing anything under a burqa: thongs, lacey pushup bras, cut-off daisy dukes or even nothing but a bomb vest.

On the other hand, she could be ugly. Or a dude posing as a woman to get favors like not driving and ditching school. If we get aroused by that, then what does that say about us?

So, while we see the reasoning behind this police action, we would like to remind Italy that if you never outlaw the burqa, you’ll never have to ruin the fantasy underneath.

The best barriers are planet sized ones

According to recent simulations, the idea of making a life for yourself on a planet closer to the center of the galaxy has hit a natural barrier as well as a (lack-of-way-to-get-there-and-survive) technological one: Too many comets. Not enough ho’s!

No! No! Sit down Ludacris. We’re not going into a song, okay? We just don’t have the time. Now, as I was saying ….

It’s now being reported that Italian researcher Marco Masi has discovered that the stars and gas clouds at the center of the galaxy are so tightly packed that twice as many comets are shaken loose, and could hit planets at twice the impact of similar Earthbound objects. Which would mean that some kind of force shield that would protect future space colonies from collisions might just be the first thing to add to any future to-do list.

Our favorite planet-sized comet shield? Meatloaf. And Mike Holmgren. Oh, and one of the dude’s wearing an ascot that was pictured at the end of the Dec. 22, 2009 edition of PTI. That was a big dude.

Certainly beats the hose alternative

As part of our ongoing coverage of how cool the Catholic Church is, we turn now to the Church waging war against H1N1. Sure, you might think that holy water can kill the flu simply because it’s blessed by priests, but that’s not necessarily the case, apparently.

An Italian inventor has created a holy water dispenser that requires no touching at all, which makes the transmission of H1N1 much less likely. Wave your hands underneath it and holy water comes out. In case you’re wondering, yes, that is the same technology you have seen in public restrooms for the past decade or  so.

Hey, it took these guys centuries to apologize for calling Galileo a heretic. Ten years behind is nothing to them.