Aggressive squirrels are out to get you, university warns students

When students at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis return to campus this month, they will be walking onto a battlefield, and the university wants them to know it.

The university sent out a warning to students to avoid aggressive squirrels that are trying to take over the campus. Squirrels are dirty and can carry some nasty diseases, so students should stay away from them as much as possible. IUPUI blames the aggressive squirrel problem not on the worldwide attempt by animals to overthrow humans for domain over Earth, but on the students themselves.

It claims that people have been feeding the squirrels, which means they lose their fear of us and start to demand food. Then they get aggressive and go after people. And then the whole school gets the plague.