Tag: Jacksonville

Coughing apparently a body-slammable offense in Georgia

Last month, we told you that cupcakes were an offense of the highest level at airports. However, that’s just at airports on the ground. In the skies, there’s even worse.

Coughing.

Patrick White, a 31 year old man from Georgia, has been charged with misdemeanor battery. IN THE AIR (which is almost as funny to use to end sentences with as ‘in the butt’ and ‘in bed’). On a flight to Florida, White allegedly began harassing a teenage girl over her illness. Seeing as how she wouldn’t comply with his demands and his down-home treatment of belittling her and using obscenities in public didn’t work this time, he made the only logical action that could be made when in the air: He charged her and body-slammed the girl.

It’s probably a tough-love, local treatment from where he comes from like castor oil.

Supremely good news, bad news

OK, so the U.S. Supreme Court has good news and bad news. Which would you like first?

We’re sorry. You should speak up louder when addressing your computer, especially if you’re at work. We’ll just assume you said, “Good news first.”

The good news is that if you’re a a juvenile delinquent, then you can no longer receive a life sentence for your crimes unless you kill someone … intentionally. So, this is kind of bad news if you’re a parent and lack the stones to “take out” the bad seed you “brought in to this world.” The system won’t do it for you anymore. (That’s not our “bad news,” though.)

The bad news is that you can still be held indefinitely for sex crimes, which are not murder. So, if you’re gonna have sex with your high school girlfriend (assuming you’re in high school or a famous film director), make sure you have her parents’ consent first.

So, keep your hands gloved and your hard drive clean; otherwise, you’re grounded for life.