SeriouslyGuys knows more than dick jokes

Aren’t there enough eggs up there already?

SeriouslyLadies, The Guys would never presume to tell you what to do with your body. We firmly believe that whatever you choose is between you, your doctor and your book club. But, if we could offer a little advice? Maybe don’t stick jade up your vagina.

We may not have labia or be Gwyneth Paltrow, but — if we did — we’d keep the shortlist of vaginal accouterments to surgical, hypoallergenic and (we can’t stress this enough) non-porous materials. Because, apparently, Ms. Paltrow’s advice to go hands-free with jade eggs is not medically advisable or deliver any of her Goop-y promises.

A jade egg won’t make you more orgasmic, unless you’re counting newly colonized organisms that caught a lift in the microscopic fissures in its surface. And it won’t make your vaginal contractions stronger — you’ll have to open jars the old-fashioned way.

As for sticking anything inside of us, we always follow our ear doctor’s advice: nothing smaller than our elbows.