Tag: Japan

SyFy Channel movie, meet real life

I’m calling it now: NUCLEAR DEATH JELLYFISH.

Doubt me if you will, but at least be aware of the facts. A metric crap-ton (roughly millions) of jellyfish made their way into nuclear reactors in both Israel and Japan. The power plant in Japan had to be shut down, and in Israel, the sea-water cooling system was clogged, which is never a good thing. Scientists have no idea at the moment why the poisonous jam entities are going after dangerous structures such as nuclear power plants, but just like aglets, we can only assume that their purpose is sinister.

It gets worse. If they become irradiated, a lifetime of comics tells me that the jellyfish will mutate into monsters. We may not jsut end up with some kind of Eldritch horror, we may end up with an electric Eldritch horror. Someone get the Ghostbusters suited up and enlisted, just in case.

An uplifting story

Japan is still recovering from Gilbert Godfrey’s jokes on Twitter, and her people need your awareness and/or help. To get your attention, Japanese lingerie manufacturer, Triumph, has released a new bra and matching skirt. The underwear features tiny little flags of countries that managed to wish Japan well, passive-aggressively making those who didn’t send a text feel bad.

The bustier should be available in vending machines once they have been worn by underage virgins.

Hide your pinkies!

In what can only be characterized as yet again, life imitating art, and thus, numerous direct to video movies, Japan’s top yakuza boss, Kenichi Shinoda, was released from prison after having served a sentence for illegal possession of a firearm. We’d comment on how that seems like a weak thing to be put in the hoose-gow over, but we’re a-scared of ninjas. It doesn’t help that Shinoda is the head of the Yamaguchi-gumi, the nation’s largest yakuza organization, with around 35,000 members.

In 2009, a huge police crackdown lead to the disruption of the gang’s activities, but not before Shinoda greatly expanded the Yamaguchi-gumi’s influence by making deals with other gangs. And while Shinoda may be a gang leader, you kind of have to be in awe of a guy who previously went to jail for killing a “rival” with a samurai sword. That’s pretty bad-ass, even if it’s Highlander-ish in origin.

Shinoda is now heading home to Kobe, though I’m sure the arms of the Yamaguchi-gumi are warmly awaiting him. We gladly think that “Boss Shinoda” is an awesome name please don’t kill us.

Ask Dr. Snee: Who wants to live forever?

OK, so nobody asked, but goddammit, you guys, I’m getting pretty damn nervous over here. It appears that you sons of bitches have decided not to die anymore, which puts me in one tight pickle–mostly with my bookie, Eduardo.

Look, you like this semi-regular Dr. Snee feature, right? You’d hate for it to disappear and potentially reappear under a different name in South America, correct? Then you better start living like you’re dying, because I’ve got everything to lose.

Here’s the game plan …. Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Who wants to live forever?

They all look the same in the water, right?

There’s a-doin’s afoot in Japan, mainly those of the semi-cross-dressing kind at a bath house. It took the female bath customers quite a while to tell that there was a man in their midst. Recently, 49-year-old Yoshio Okawara, a security guard from Yokohama.

So how did a burly old security guard manage to slip past all the ladies? Okawara entered the bathhouse at around 3:30 p.m. wearing a coat and skirt along with long hair, causing the receptionist not to notice him. In fact, Okawara got changed in the women’s changing rooms and even made his way into a bath with several women before any complaints were raised.

People must have thought he was one ugly woman, or maybe he was really fat and it covered up all the …ahem…more noticeable features. Once a complaint was made by one of his fellow bathers, a male attendant restrained Okawara until police arrived.

Is it bad to be impressed that Okawara made it that far without being noticed?

Wikileaks finally becomes useful

Fun fact: if you don’t assume every industrialized nation has a spy agency, then you’re a bit naïve.

The Sydney Morning Herald is reporting a Wikileaks revelation that Japan is indeed using an intelligence agency to spy and keep an eye on North Korea and China.

Apparently the intelligence agency has been in effect since 2008, moving slowly forward for fear of political repercussions. Also, because of the whole spy thing. According to the Japanese embassy, progress has also been slow because of a lack of “knowledge, experience, and assets/officers.” Again, also because of the whole spy thing. The agency is being modeled on the American CIA, the Australian Secret Intelligence, and Britain’s MI6. And once more, again, because of the whole spy thing.

One of the primary concerns for Japan was their lack of intelligence regarding the actions of Kim Jong-Il, and rightfully so. Between militaristic threats from the country and suspicious missile testing, Japan is justified in their worry.

What Wikileaks hasn’t revealed yet is just what the weapon cache that the spy ninjas are using. Because their spies are TOTALLY ninjas.

Video games are just like the internet

And if you combine the two, the results could potentially be deadly. After a fourteen-year-old boy’s cell phone gaming site membership was canceled, he decided to get even: by threatening to murder people.

That’s not an unusual reaction at all, nope.

The boy belonged to popular cell phone gaming site “Mobage Town”, but lost his membership after making comments like “die” to a fellow player while playing “Kaitou Royal.” Mobage-Town is incredibly popular in Japan with new titles like Shenmue Town bound for the social gaming service.

Between May and June, the junior high schooler sent the site’s company emails over approximately twenty occasions. “I wanted my membership back at any cost so that I could play games on the site again,” he told police. That includes making death threats.

“I really want to have my membership back,” he apparently wrote in one email. “If I’m not allowed to, I will kill five people by the day after tomorrow.”

Hey Junior, are you sure that’s not a bit of an overreaction? Most people at the very least feign humility when they get banned from something. You’re now accused of forcible obstruction of business. We can only assume that’s bad and not a type of move made in bridge.

Fourth rule of robotics: never harm your drama coach

Japan is really pushing this robot thing to new extremes — now it’s encroaching upon the entertainment industry.

The robot Gemini F, which can been seen “acting” in the video in the link, was part of a short play called Sayonara, which was controlled by a team of people off-stage. It’s not exactly the best acting, and according to the actors, it was plenty difficult to work with. Robot divas are such a pain.

Remember people, just because the Uncanny Valley is just over the hill doesn’t mean we need to rush over to cross said hill.

No names were sewn into the band

A 55-year-old part-time shop worker in Nara, Japan, was suspected of stealing a few pair of panties from a neighbor’s home. A few. Nothing too crazy. They thought this weirdo was taking them from her balcony as they were drying. He’s a pervert, but not a super pervert, right?

Wrong.

When police searched his home they found about 3,000 pair of other women’s underwear. Three thousand. The gross old man told police,

“I’ve always been interested in women’s underwear.”

You think? I wonder what he did with all of these.

Scratch that. No I don’t.

Creepiness is ultimately genderless

Breaking News: An inflatable giant woman was seen over Japan, which, truthfully, sounds just like another day in Tokyo, right? They’re always getting taken over by things of monstrous proportions: Godzilla, Gamera and–if South Park taught us anything–cows and chickens.

Panasonic takes its camera promotion as really Serious Business because, not only did they have a spokesmodel for the their new Lumix FX700 camera on hand to advertise the new release, but they also turned said model, Ayase Haruka, into a giant inflatable balloon. Reportedly, spectators were both scared and confused by the balloon, and who wouldn’t be?

I lurve me the wumenz, but frankly, I’d be utterly terrified to stand beside it. And that’s not even taking into account it supremely dwarfing me.

…..though, let’s be honest, that’s not really all that difficult.