After a long letter-writing campaign by The Guys, it appears the U.S. Coast Guard — or should we say Ghost Guard — is finally taking the ghost pirate menace on our shores seriously.
Our boys in orange sank a Japanese ghost ship, the Ryou-Un Mara or Maru (nobody wanted to get close enough to confirm), off the coast of Alaska after confirming the worst: no living souls aboard. It was determined the most prudent action after a Canadian fishing boat accepted a dare to salvage the ship, but then chickened out, saying, “Like, let’s get out of here, eh?”
The Guys have long maintained that ghosts most often enter our country illegally through our many miles of unguarded coastline and porous borders. By finally putting more boots on the ground and in boats, we can protect our domestic ghost — and ghostbusting — jobs from apparitions willing to haunt abandoned theme parks and manors for less pay.
The International Whaling Commission (don’t let the name fool you–they’re ag’in’ whaling) is offering a truce to longtime animal warriors Japan. Instead of continuing their outright ban, which the Japanese dodge by calling their kills “science,” 
We’ve mentioned the fifth columnists that would betray the War on Animals in this blog before. However, they have now taken over the media.