Ye Missed It: Impending economic doom edition

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day to ye. It seems the changin’ o’ the seasons be gettin’ me down. Not in the “alas, summer be over” sense, but in the “I have a huge cold all of a sudden” sense. But yer intrepid blogger sniffles on. Pity me. In any case, if ye were busy finding kittens in yer wall, odds are ye missed it.

So, did Wall Street get hammered this time?
Lehman Brothers got bought out, AIG got saved by a big ol’ government loan of countless doubloons, and there may not be an end in sight. Critics be callin’ this the worst economy since the 1930s, and it be comin’ to a town near ye. Fear not, yer money be safe up to $100,000. And worry ye not, SG has its money stored totally legally in the First National Bank of Grand Cayman. We’re settin’ sail soon to make a deposit!

Pirates o’ the Bering Sea
Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin’s private e-mail was hacked into and posted online, shockin’ many, who found that she a) hates the press that be in Alaska, b) has pictures of her children and c) likes conductin’ official business on a private e-mail account that probably be illegal in the state o’ Alaska. Naturally, this invasion o’ privacy has angered Republicans and Fox News reporters alike. Invasion o’ privacy is only good when it happens t’ ordinary people.

Seinfeld-Kramer reunion axed
Have ye seen the new Microsoft ads with Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld? Well ye shouldn’t get used t’ them. They have dispatch with the ads, which featured Gates and Seinfeld meetin’ at a shoe store, then tryin’ to live ordinary lives. No one was laughin’, because Microsoft seems t’ be about as cool as it is funny. They ought t’ keelhaul whoever rolled out those ads. The ads will be replaced with the new “I am a PC” commercials, which may or may not have been cut on a Mac–seriously.

How To: Mourn a celebrity

Jesus, the Internet’s like a bad zombie movie these days. Just a couple of weeks ago, you were lucky if you caught “It’s Bad for Ya” on HBO, which was played as filler between John Adams marathons and Recount. But now that George Carlin’s dead, you can’t escape the c**ksucker.

(And the week before, it was Tim Russert. You know, the guy from the political news that wasn’t Chris Matthews.)

The Guys are running around the Internet, trying to find quality news for you readers, and there’s George, walking around in another eulogy. No matter how fast we run, he’s still there, right behind us.

But he doesn’t moan for “braaaaaaaains” or even “pussyyyyyyyy farrrrrrrts.” No, he sounds like Jerry Seinfeld, Stephen Colbert or some blogger. There’s George, but that isn’t George anymore.

So how do dead celebrities get around so much? Because everyone’s gotta take their turn to mourn and do it right, or their fans will jump out of the woodworks to call you “insensitive.” It’s this rabid attention to post-mortem detail that prompted us to write how to mourn a celebrity. Continue reading How To: Mourn a celebrity