We didn’t want to know her name in the first place, but now Snooki no longer wants be referred to by her stupid nickname. Instead, she’d rather we call her by her real name, Nicole.
That’s nice, dear, and we’ll get right on that. But, before that happens, could you remind us just what you do for a living?
Finally realizing that the prom was cutting into students’ weekend drinking hours, New York’s Pearl River High School moved the alcohol-free event to weeknights.
Thanks to the rescheduling, students will no longer be forced to make late night trips to the Jersey Shore or Manhattan night clubs, but can instead now start drinking at Happy Hour rates like normal human beings.
School officials are so impressed with their accommodation skills that they may also permit alcoholic students to skip graduation, which gives them more tailgating time during the long, arduous ceremony.
You ever read an ex’s blog entry after a breakup?
I don’t mean the entry right after it ended where they’re sad and can only listen to Kelly Clarkson. I mean the one a few months later where they air your dirty laundry about your laziness, poor hygiene and sub-par penis size, maybe claim you tried to pick them up the other day, and that they’re so glad they dumped you. (Reality: you dumped them.)
Yeah, that’s how I read MTV Network President Van Toffler’s statement about “pushing Generation X out” of their programming considerations. Continue reading Take it from Snee: MTV’s lost it
It’s apparently more likely than you’d think.
Some riverbank on the Jersey shore is teeming with dolphins. Wildlife officials are hoping the aquatic mammals will realize how much NJ’s holding them back and leave, perhaps to front the greatest rock band in the world … or maybe storm Broadway (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
In the meantime, the local mooks won’t stop poking the dolphins with sticks and orca recordings, each one thinking they’re some kind of Jack Hanna. Thanks to Animal Planet, every shmoe with cable is bugging officials with ideas to save them, including:
We here at SeriouslyGuys are shaking our heads at these ideas. Haven’t these people ever heard of fishing?
