Importing anything with ‘gun’ in its name is probably a bad idea

Police in New York recently arrested a man at JFK airport. Oooh! Was he a terrorist? Probably not. Was he a smuggler? Yes. Oooh! What was he smuggling, something exotic, like, a thousand speckled ostrich eggs, two hundred live Komodo Dragons or custom-made AK-47’s with grenade launcher attachments? Nope.

Just stun guns. Twenty-six stun guns.

Which isn’t big, except stun guns are illegal in New York. Oops. At least they weren’t all shoved into condoms like some smuggled objects (cocaine emus, we’re looking at you).

Bay of Pigs: Mission Accomplished

We did it!  The operation launched by Kennedy in 1961 to overthrow the Communist “government” has finally succeeded: Castro is calling it quits.

Yes, Fidel Castro sent a letter–presumably from the spider-hole he’s hiding in–to the Cuban Communist Party newspaper, Granma, announcing that he is too old and unfit to run the island nation any longer.

A lot of you naysayers out there said it couldn’t be done, that the initial CIA-invasion was an “unprecedented disaster” (imagine we’re pinching our noses while saying these things), that the United States military would remain in Cuba for the next century. Well, it only took 47 years, so don’t you feel like a coward now?

This blog has received no word from our government as to when Guantanamo will be shut down, but rest assured, our boys are comin’ home soon!*

*By “soon,” we mean as soon as a flourshing capitalist democracy is in place.