Stop what you’re doing and stock up on Jim Beam

The guys are all about fighting The Man, unless it’s us, and we’re also no strangers to bourbon. That’s why we’re in a tough spot on this one.

Workers at the two Jim Beam distilleries are set to go on strike, which means we could be facing a shortage of the famed bourbon. The union rejected a new contract, and some say the workers are timing the strike for the fall and winter, as production usually ramps up from the slower summer months. For you, this means there could be a shortage of Jim Beam.

So run out and buy a case or two. Or switch to Jack Daniel’s.

You Missed It: Catch the fever edition

Tony Romo has nothing to do with Ebola in Dallas, but wouldn't it be great if he did?
Tony Romo has nothing to do with Ebola in Dallas, but wouldn’t it be great if he did?

The Jim Beam commercial with Mila Kunis is supposed to be sexy and make me want to buy bourbon (as if I didn’t already). It doesn’t really have that effect on me. In it, she tells the camera how awesome bourbon is while wielding hot and sharp metal objects, and brands one barrel of Jim Beam with her name. She then threatens the barrel that she’ll be back for it in four years. This doesn’t seem like the place for an expectant mother. Guess she doesn’t have to worry about that anymore. If you were busy announcing a Baywatch movie this week, odds are you missed it.

On the next episode of Dallas
The Ebola outbreak in Africa has killed hundreds and sickened far more in Africa. It’s the worst outbreak ever. But Americans were safe from the virus until a man in Dallas was diagnosed with it this week. He told doctors over a week ago that he was feeling sick and had traveled to Africa, but was sent home with antibiotics instead. Now about 100 people, including school children, are being watched after having contact with the man. Everything really is bigger in Texas, including the f*%#-ups.

In the line of fire
This week, Julia Pierson resigned from her post as Secret Service director following a recent batch of security lapses in her agency, including a crazy guy with a knife getting all the way to the East Room after jumping the White House fence. Her testimony before a Congressional committee and her resignation were translated by the crazy guy who made up sign language at Nelson Mandela’s funeral.

His eyes were glassy from pool water
Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps was arrested and charged with driving under the influence in Baltimore this week after police caught him speeding early Tuesday morning. The incident isn’t Phelps’ first run in with the law. It’s not even his first DUI. Because of his legal problems, his sponsorship deals have gone from Wheaties to Beerios.