Pigeons, not robots, will take over your job

They can also get to work faster than you.

Pigeons: Scourge of statues and friend to weird loners in the park everywhere, may be better at doing your job than you. It’s science.

According to a recent study, pigeons perform just as well, if not better, in switching between tasks quickly. Their high-order cognitive processing is just as good as ours. Scientists say this could lead to jobs once thought to need the intelligence of a human to instead be performed by a pigeon. Simply put: the birds are better at multitasking than you are, and they’re coming for your job.

Such a shift would no doubt delight business owners everywhere. There’s no law that says you have to pay animals for their work. You don’t really have to provide them health care coverage, either. And bird seed costs less than keeping the lights, water and heat running in an office setting. Think of the savings.

Your boss may be a psycho

You hate your boss. You think he or she does a terrible job of managing employees, and that you could do a better job. More so, you think your boss is a psycho. You may not be wrong on that last one.

According to a peer-reviewed study by an undergraduate student, there could be a higher level of psychopaths in managerial positions because they are able to manipulate tests that companies give in ways that hide their true nature. So if your boss is manipulative, lacking of empathy, and a known liar, you may just have psychopath for a boss. We don’t suggest comparing business cards with them.

Now you can resign with an ‘LOL’

How many times have you wanted to quit your job, but found you were too lazy to get up from your desk and do it? Do you have a really intimidating boss, and just can’t stand to face him in person? Luckily, there’s an app for you.

The Quit Your Job app for iPhone does exactly what its name says. It quits your job for you, via text message. So now, instead of being all professional about it, or taking time to really think things through, you can be impulsive and passive aggressive.

Unfortunately, Quit Your Job does not have a Can I Count On You As A Reference? sister app just yet.

The McBournie Minute: Binge drinking and other signs of economic recovery

In 2007, or 2008, depending on who you ask, the bottom fell out of the U.S. economy, and the rest of the world came along with us for the ride. Since then, it’s been nothing but a stream of complaints from people who have lost their jobs, or recent college grads, who just realized this whole real world thing is, like, going to affect them.

But there’s great news, everyone, the American economy is back! Sure, you can listen to economists who said that the Great Recession ended a couple years ago, or you can try to wrap your head around the latest job reports. I’ve got a better idea. All you need to do is look around you for the signs.

Is America being America again? Is your office toilet paper a bit softer than it was? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Binge drinking and other signs of economic recovery

Put down the bottle when seeking a job

As it turns out, you shouldn’t drink during a job interview.

That’s exactly what science tells us. Even though it improves your vocabulary, American bosses look down on you when you order alcohol while being interviewed–in a dinner setting, that is. If you’re having your job interview in the office conference room and you order a drink, your potential employer may think you are needy. Model workers bring their own sauce with them.

Of course, if you offer them some hootch, it’s certain you’ll get in their good graces.

Age-old foes: safety vs. jobs

Republican Senators want to know: what will it take to get Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar and President Barack Obama to reopen all U.S. offshore oil drilling sites. They are concerned about a 6-month moratorium on drilling that could mean lost oil jobs.

And they’re right: even though all offshore drilling safety has been overseen by the Mineral Management Service, an organization that is still under investigation for over 10 years of graft, we need to speed up safety inspections and put workers back on derricks.

Besides, this is about jobs. Every time there’s an accident, another oil job opens up!

Drink your way to employment

If you’re getting down about not having a job, you’re not alone. The recession is getting people down, so down that they head to a local drinking establishment to drown their sorrows. Well, one New York bar is trying to help out their customers, and not just by numbing their senses with alcohol.

O’Casey’s has set up an unemployment center in their pub. Now, you can go have a few, then start filling out job applications. Who wouldn’t want to hire you when you’re soused?

[via Consumerist]

That morning jolt

Ever been to a job fair? (Please, hold your applause. Thank you for that kind welcome back.) It’s a bunch of people walking around dressed in clothes nicer than they feel comfortable in, handing out resumes like candy.

From the potential employer’s standpoint, it is also a battle to get people’s attention. If they don’t come to your table, how can you hire them? You need an eye-catching gimmick. For the Lake County, Colorado Sheriff’s Department, that gimmick was free Tasering for volunteers.

About 30 high school students volunteered to be shocked with a Taser at a job fair because they wanted to feel what it was like. The deputy was suspended for a week.