Tag: joe perry

Senior citizen-on-senior citizen crime!

Sometimes, when a story is important enough, you have to find the right source to present it in just the right way; otherwise, you might miss the essential life lesson.

Fortunately, Fox News is on the case!

The Case of Joe Perry and the Rear-ended Motorcycle seemed nigh unsolvable. Why did this happen? Who would hit a beloved American icon (in 1993)? Where did the system go wrong? Will it ever be safe to ride a two-wheeled overpowered vehicle that doctors call a “donorcycle” again?

The Fox answers: it’s the fault of a senior citizen driver.

The 59-year-old lead guitarist of your dad’s favorite band was hit on his motorcycle by a 62-year-old biddy who should have had her licensed seized at least five years ago!

It’s like our grandparents broke up

It's always a little sad when the only chick in the band leaves.

They may have stayed together for Liv Tyler, but it looks like Steven Tyler and the rest of Aerosmith just can’t keep up appearances anymore. (Although, Tyler’s injury from a fall led to the canceling of said appearances.)

Of course, there’s always one party of denial in any breakup, especially when they’ve been together for 39 years–just shy of the ruby anniversary. Joe Perry said he hasn’t heard it direct from Tyler himself. But, he’s still auditioning younger, hotter singers just in case.

In related news, both Sesame Street and the NASA moon landing–who just celebrated their own 40th anniversaries–clucked at the sad state of Aerosmith and mused that nobody has the patience to work at a relationship anymore.