Good afternoon, and welcome to the latest edition of Today in the U.S. Judicial System. Your hosts, the right honorable Guys, are presiding.
And what a day to preside over the landmark cases of our era, especially when compared to the important cases of yester-year: Brown v. Board of Education, Roe v. Wade, The People v. Larry Flint …. It is awe-inspiring to see this process shape our lives again today.
Jesus Christ! (No, over there!)
First, the Supreme Court refused to hear a case and so upheld the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals’ decision to allow states to sell anti-abortion license plates to citizens whose faith cannot be adequately expressed by Jesus fish, dashboard saviors, rear-view crucifixes and John 3:16 written in soap across the rear windshield.
A cigarette by any other name …
Next up, they threw their support behind tobacco companies being harassed with lawsuits by people who can’t hold their light and low-tar cigarette smoke. They only heard opening arguments today, in which the plantiffs argued that smokers of the diet cigarettes were forced to take longer drags/smoke more cigarettes than when they smoked harsher brands.
The tobacco companies’ counterargument consisting of pointing to the light cigarettes and saying, “As you can see, your honors, it’s a cigarette.”
The court then adjourned for a five minute break in the parking lot for their fix of that smooth Winston flavor.