You Missed It: Eye in the sky edition

Sorry we missed each other last week. I had some work to do on sunny beaches of Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. You know how it is. I know you missed me, which is why I couldn’t tell you where I was going and let you follow me. I needed to concentrate on my work. But now I am back and we can can get down to business. If you were busy taking a break from your vows of celibacy, odds are you missed it.

Hubble gets an oil change, tire rotation every 5,000 orbits
Space Shuttle Atlantis blasted off this week on a mission to do some maintenance work on the Hubble Space Telescope. Astronauts are performing the work during a series of space walks. What they aren’t telling you is that they are really just readjusting the telescope so it can track the movements of that paranoid guy sitting at the end of your favorite bar, according to his ramblings. NASA has not confirmed or denied the claims as of yet.

If you ask me, she’s probably a controlling woman
Apparently Jon Gosselin was caught possibly cheating on his wife, Kate Gosselin last week and this week Kate could be cheating as well. This is bad news, because they have 10 children and a lot of paparazzi cameras pointed at them. Interview after interview has alluded to the possibility of ending their marriage. In other news, who the hell and Jon and Kate Gosselin?

Phelps released back into the wild
His suspension up, Olympic hero and part time stoner Michael Phelps got back in the pool Friday. Swimming, easily the most popular sport in the U.S., seems to have welcomed him back, too. Phelps said he was happing to be racing again, but what he really needed right then was to shower and change then head to this totally sick party his friend was hosting. Phelps said plenty of alcohol and loose women would be available.