Keep your sweater for Valentine’s

While it’s better to have a Valentine than to be one of those sad sacks crying into their white wine on Single Awareness Day, that’s not to say that having one doesn’t come with its own problems. The most frustrating aspect has to be going out in February. Even in the most temperate U.S. climates, there’s a good chance you’ll have to surrender your jacket.

Ugh, 100 problems.
Ugh, 100 problems.

Fortunately, this may be the last year you’ll ever have to do that, thanks to your wing man: science!

Neuroscientists at the University of Southern California “turned off” the sensation of feeling cold in mice by isolating and cutting off the neurons that express a protein named TRPM8. The mice with TRPM8 avoided areas in the experiment area that were too hot and too cold, while the mice without TRPM8 wore shorts while waiting in line for concert tickets outside, talking about how this weather was nothing because they’re from Michigan.

Right now, the treatment is irreversible, so the next step is to develop a temporary effects pill that you can slip into her drink. And, if that fails, we can just wait until climate change takes full effect.

More than one way to explain how to skin a cat

Bilingual people are also more attractive to both sexes.
Bilingual people are also more attractive to both sexes.

According to a new study in the Journal of Neuroscience, bilingual people retain sharper brain activity later in life. Seniors aged 60 to 68 who had spoken two or more languages since childhood were comparatively faster than their monolingual peers “at switching from one task to another and used less energy in the frontal parts of their brain when making the switch.”

What does this mean? That the 2014 class of Brazilian prostitutes is going to be hell on wheels by 2060.

Hormone prevents whore moans

Ladies, if you’re trying to keep that man of yours from straying, then what you need is a little oxy. No, not Oxy Clean. No, not even oxycodone, although the resulting addiction pretty much guarantees his loyalty until he finds a new supplier.

A recent experiment had men inhale oxytocin and then introduced them to an attractive female stranger. Those in “stable, monogamous” relationships stayed an average 6 1/2 inches farther away from an attractive female stranger than their single peers. Not only that, but they also put more space between themselves and pictures of attractive women, too.

The scientists involved believe this is because oxytocin “makes [men] more empathetic, more attuned to social cues, and more inclined to adjust their behavior accordingly.” The Guys, however, think it just improves our eyesight, so we don’t have to get closer for a better look.