Addicted kangaroos will kill you over a carrot

Still think it’s harmless?

Kangaroos, better known as the only animals in Australia that aren’t trying to kill you, are now trying to kill you. The reason? You guessed it: carrots.

Punk tourists are getting roughed up by kangaroos who want to score some carrots. According to reports, the ‘roos in one spot outside of Sydney expect tourist groups to have food on them, especially carrots, and get violent if they don’t.

Of course, authorities blame the human victims, rather than the junkie kangaroos, for the attacks. They claim that people entice the beasts over to them for a selfie by offering carrots and other food. This makes them expect food when they see you, and when you don’t meet their expectation, you get kicked and scratched.

If this is what a gateway vegetable can do to an animal, just imagine what would happen if you got hooked chasing the orange dragon.

Jogging is a dangerous hobby

Remember the cartoons where kangaroos could box? (Rick, help me out with this.) As it turns out, that was more than just amusing fiction, it was actually a warning to all of us young children to be wary of wallabies and other creatures–because they want to hurt us.

David Striegl was jogging recently when a kangaroo came out of nowhere and attacked him. Striegl was knocked unconscious by the beast and its lightning fast moves. Keep in mind, Striegl is an Australian rules football player (it’s like rugby, only with more punches thrown), so for him to be felled by a foe is no small feat.

He said he remembers little about the attack, and there is no word on whether the animal took his wallet.